Don’t eat that apple till its washed,

Because its just been sprayed,

Those chemicals do funny thing,

Like make your teeth decay,

But if that’s no deterrent,

Then please don’t eat in haste,

Cos DDT gives apples,

A bloody rotten taste.

And don’t shake out that table salt,

It’s best if you refrain,

It hardens up your arteries,

And clogs up all your veins,

But if you think it’s harmless,

And don’t like what I teach,

Then tell me, is it harmless,

When you put it on a leach?

CHORUS: Oh everything is bad for you,

That’s what the experts say,

And if you keep on eating it,

You’re sure to die some day,

If it doesn’t make your hair fall out,

It gives you rotten breath,

But if we only ate what’s good for us,

We’d probably starve to death.

You have your morning coffee,

Or perhaps a cup of tea,

But don’t let it get past your lips,

Unless its caffeine free,

Cos caffeine is addictive,

And you need you daily fix,

Addictive foods and healthy life styles,

Somehow do not mix.

CHORUS: Oh everything...

When you have your morning meals,

Throw away your sugar bowl,

It’ll give you diabetes,

Or fill your teeth with holes,

Though I don’t believe the doctors,

With their scientific guff,

I don’t need to eat sugar,

I’m already sweet enough.

CHORUS: Oh everything…

Now when you fry your sausages,

Be sure to drain the fat,

It’s chokka with cholesterol,

There’s no goodness in that,

You’ll get all types of cancer,

And bugger up your heart,

Then we’ll sit back and watch,

Your whole damn body fall apart.

CHORUS REPEAT.