Merri Cohousing and Ecovillage Inc.
Discussion Paper

Difficult Person(s)

Dealing with and/or removing difficult people who select themselves and meet membership criteria

Revision history:
1.0: 29/08/2001 Sharryn and Paula
1.1: 12/09/2001 Sharryn and Paula, adopted by Committee

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These guidelines apply only in the unfortunate event that a person continues to cause concern and upset for a member of Merri Cohousing.

These steps are to be taken only after careful consideration by the concerned individual(s). This process is undertaken when an individual feels that they would consider leaving Merri Cohousing because of another person. This does not mean that the difficult person has annoying habits, is 'not my type', or has opposing philosophies, as these differences do not put the overall harmony of Merri Cohousing at risk and overcoming these issues could be seen as opportunities for personal growth.

Given that the concerned individual has considered the above, any reported concerns would be taken as valid and would be addressed. It is not up to the Conflict Resolution Facilitators (see item 2 under Steps to Resolution, below) to determine of the concern is valid.

Once Merri Cohousing becomes residential, another process will be used to address any conflict resolution issues. The process described here is to be used whilst people are in the process of becoming residents.

These are some examples of what constitutes a Difficult Person, but this list is not definitive:

1. Continually using inappropriate group behaviour
2. Not openly respecting other group members as intelligent, valuable persons with valid contributions (i.e. demonstrates overvalued sense of self importance or superiority)
3. Taking over group process by dominating. Tends to silence less confident members even though one of the components of good group process/dynamics is to try to get equal input and power between all group members
4. Making group members feel uncomfortable or uneasy. The concerned individual might say they feel 'threatened' or 'intimidated' but may be unable to articulate the exact reason.
5. Specific knowledge of something this person presently does that makes them an inappropriate member and/or will negatively affect Merri Cohousing (serious addiction, insurmountable debts, illegal activities, etc.)
6. Poor insight about one's own behaviour or approach, with a tendency to project or externalise the difficulties onto the group or another member, rather than taking responsibility for difficulties they might be causing. For example, "I haven't got a problem. Merri Cohousing has the problem;" or "It's not me, I don't know what you're talking about."

Steps to Resolution

1. Any concerned individual can approach the person causing concern, using tactful means, with intent towards resolution. (See second paragraph of this document.)
2. The concerned individual shall contact the designated members of Merri Cohousing to address their concern. The designated members, called Conflict Resolution Facilitators (CRF) are appointed by the members of the Merri Cohousing group at a general meeting.
   This contact involves putting the concern in writing and including the following information:
   • name of difficult person
   • name of concerned individual
   • the nature of the concern, as specifically as possible
   • what, if action has been taken, the concerned person has done to resolve the issue
3. The CRFs and concerned individual meet to discuss, clarify and identify what the issues are, and what actions can be taken. Out of that discussion, the CRFs take action doing any or all of the appropriate steps:
   • simply resolving it by discussion
   • supporting the individual to resolve the issue on their own
   • meet with all parties; both CRFs, concerned individual and person with whom they have an issue
   • take the matter to Merri Cohousing membership
4. If resolution is successful, this process ends with a set follow-up meeting between the CRFs and the concerned individual.
5. If these methods have not led to resolution, OR the follow-up indicates no resolution, the CRFs take the issue to all the membership in a specially called meeting.

Ground Rules

Members of Merri Cohousing agree

1. To not gossip
2. To not discuss people with other MCH members when the person is not present, except at the designated time
3. Once the concerned individual has gone through the steps outlined above, the subject is closed. No gossip, guilt or recriminations.

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