On this page is poems and writings that I have compiled over the years
"After being harassed over the years to let people see these poems and writings, I have decided to put them on my web site.
They were all written during many stages of my life and if you look real closely you can see a piece of me in each and every one.
Some were written when I was happy, some when I was in love, others while thoughtful and still some when I was sad, forlorn or heartbroken. They helped me to deal with things that were going on in my life at the time. They are a part of me. I hope you like them.
Damien"
Ó
Copyright
All
Rights
Reserved
2001-2006
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
"BIOGRAPHY OF A PART TIME POET"
Part-time poet, undercover
With your panama hat and secret lover
Whom among them really knows you?
You admire art of different sorts
What do you think you'll discover?
Do they listen when you talk?
Deep inside a rebel walks
But who around you would understand
With your collar up and head down
Part-time poet, part-time clown
Panama hat and constant frown
Who among them really knows you?
Who among them really cares?
"THE DANCER"
It's five o'clock
And the world's going home
While the dancer is moving
To the rhythm of feet
On tarnished floors
And in halls desolate grey
The dancer will give
Many hours a day
They will give up their youth
They'll surrender their souls
They will sculpture their bodies
To conquer their goals
And the dancer will sweat
And the dancer will cry
And the dancer will hurt
And the dancer will scream
From the pain that they feel
From their young crippled feet
And there will be times
When they'll feel all alone and outcast
When the dance seems beyond them
Their ideals beyond their grasp
But the climax will come
When the audience roars
And the crowds shouts their names
When the dancer has mastered
Their bodies
Their minds
The dancer will find
That they have conquered the dance.
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
"WE'LL SEE IT THROUGH"
We both know the last few days
Have been a little rough,
And I suppose it's true to say
That we've both had quite enough
But though they seem enormous
If our love is strong and true,
No matter what the problem is
I know
We'll see it through.
"I BELIEVE"
I believe there'll come a night
When you will return,
To kindle, once again,
The flame that used to burn.
You'll come to me that night
And quietly take my hand,
You'll need no words to tell me,
For I will understand.....
And then you will lead me silently
To that special place,
Where long ago, I used to know
The warmth that is your embrace.
And somehow, without words,
To explain the love inside,
We will know the truth
That we have long denied,
And perhaps it's my fantasies,
Never to occur,
But I believe we'll love again,
And be the way we were.
"INSPIRATION"
I can't ask you to wait for me to make up my mind
When time is against us
I can't hope for a miracle
When reality eludes me
I can't plan my future for two
When I can't even plan a future for one
Neither one of us knows
What will happen
But I can thank you for
The inspiration to try.
"BOO"
You've healed up my wounds of past loves
You wiped away my tears with tenderness
From my cheeks
You gave me the need to be loved again
My heart swinging like a pendulum
You hold the string
The key to my heart, you now possess
An inundation of my soul to yours.
"THE REASON"
Try to find a reason
For the happiness you feel
The experience of living
That sometimes seems unreal
Perhaps it is a lesson
Part of growing up maybe
A wonderful adventure
Tinged with reality
The reason may elude you
But confidence you'll gain
Facing the world with courage
You will smile right through the rain.
"YOUR EYES"
One day I looked into your eyes,
And in their depths I found,
Something I'd been searching for
Which makes the world go round.
The reason to go on living again,
Of making life worthwhile,
To take my place in society,
It was there within your smile.
And as I look into your eyes,
I rise to heights unknown,
To achieve my life fulfilment
And so I write this poem.
For truly you inspire me,
To create that which I need,
Words that express my deepest thoughts
Devotion to you indeed.
"THANK YOU"
I look into your gentle eyes
And I drown in a feeling
I thought I would never find
With fear and trepidation
I approached our relationship
But your soft, caring words
Stripped me of my paranoia
So now I stand before you
My life is in your hands
You hold me up and help me
Cleansing and nourishing my soul
The gift you have given me
Is as precious as life itself
All that I can say is thank you
And I Love You.
"ROMANCE"
Rainbow hues of shooting stars
It makes no difference who you are
You will succumb to all the spells
Like dropping coins in wishing wells.
Once upon a moonlight night
Dreams had disappeared from sight
Romances was lost along the way
There were no loving words to say
In a moment, just by chance
You though you saw the starlight dance
For Cupid's arrow found it's mark
And you found that you had fallen in love.
"LOVE"
It pulls you under
Suffocates you
With it's power
It demands you surrender
There is no choice
No turning back
It stays within you soul
Forever
What is it?
It's called Love.
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
"MY STRUGGLE"
Peaceful dreams of tranquil lands
Blue-green oceans, tranquil, trimmed with sand
Precious memories, fading fast
Of someone special, now in the past
Staring misty towards the sea
Wondering what's in store for me
Gulls cry out to mock my pain
My struggle now, to love again.
"MY REVENGE"
Looking round my room I see
Reminders of a time
So long ago, or was it?
When I could call you mine
I leave them unattended
Because that's what you've done to me
For that's the only way I've got
To cause you misery.
You see the dust?
It fades them.
I've let the trophies go black.
And what of the plastic figures, the medals?
I've watched them fall and crack.
It's part payment for what you've given me
A black and dusty heart
You watched it fall in love and then
You watched it break apart.
"TOO MANY TRIES"
I can't go through with it anymore
I've given it too many tries
I think I've finally tired this time
Of all your deceptions and lies
It isn't worth another attempt
For each attempt only fails
I can see that you are not ready
For all a commitment entails
And maybe, if I think about it
I am not prepared
To give up my freedom forever
And live a life that's shared
But I thought you would be different
From all the girls I've ever known
It just goes to show how wrong you can be
I'd be better off alone and on my own
So the next time you come running
With that "I'm sorry" look in your eyes
I'll turn my head and walk right away
For I've given it too many tries.
"I'VE CRIED A MILLION TEARS"
I feel like I've cried a million tears
And I've no more tears to shed,
Seems like it's been a million years
Since those words were said.
Now I look inside my soul
To see what's left to find,
But my soul, it seems, has gone from me
And has left a void behind.
I don't know just went wrong
Don't know who I should blame,
I just know that since you've left
I've never been quite the same.
I can't take too much more of this
This pain inside my heart,
I believe the time is right just now
To make a brand new start.
So I'm leaving all these memories
To find a better way,
To settle in another life
To see the light of day.
I don't know why I'm crying
I should be happy to be free,
But my freedom doesn't mean so much
Without you I'm not me.
"PLAYING GAMES"
The heart that can break so easily
A dream can lie so much
So much can be misconstrued
From a single touch.
And this is why I fell for you
And why I thought you cared.
So I'll rearrange the memories
Of what I thought we shared.
When I thought you really cared
When what I felt was aching
And thought the love so strong
I can't explain the pain I felt
When I found that I was wrong
I guess I really was a fool
But who now should I place the blame?
I really thought I was in love
And that you felt the same
Or, was it you just playing games
To see what I would do?
Or me, the naive little child
Exploring something new.
"EVERYONE BETRAYS"
There goes another friend,
A friendship has ended again.
You betrayed me again,
With all your heart,
Left
me alone with this pain.
SLAM! There goes another one,
You laughed and put me down.
I thought you were my best friend.
Now you're my best enemy,
Who
knows all my secrets.
BANG! There's another ex-best friend,
who said I'm a stupid friend;
A friendship has ended again.
You gave me another kind of pain,
This
time inside my brain.
I treated you the best,
With an understanding unlike all the rest.
I was always there for you,
You were always there for me,
Now
you just haunt me,
A
shadow from the past.
Why do people treat me like this?
I can't live without friends,
Please God, give me a good friend,
Who
won’t betray my trust.
Nothing, No one. I guess I asked too much,
Still I wait but my kindness is just wasted.
Was it all about jealousy?
Or am I just a fool
To
want to be your friend?
All my trust I had with you
It was all just a lie,
You
go after friends with cash.
Nothing but the simple truth that
"EVERYONE
BETRAYS"
".
"I'VE LOST YOU NOW"
I've watched you live your life
Whilst I've been living mine,
Wishing that the two of us
Could share a bit more time.
I've let you go your way
And gone my way alone,
Aware your love is something
That I could never own,
How many times did I try?
To show you that I care.
Did you ever notice me?
Or was I ever there?
Could you see the tears I cried?
Inwardly they fell.
Outwardly, I laughed and smiled
So you couldn't tell.
And now I see the way
He captivates your world,
I guess he must be special
He must be quite a guy.
And all the time you never knew
Who loved you from the start.
I've lost you now forever,
But you'll always have my heart.
("UNTITLED")
So you were here
And then you left
It was easy for you
Well, you made no impression on me.
I don't remember your music
I don't remember your dance
I don't remember your face
I don't know your name
Anymore.
Did I ever?
Yes...
You were here
But it doesn't matter to me now
And if you point out my tears
Then I'll laugh at you
Because, lady, I never cry.
"BETRAYED"
She took my heart
She took my trust
I thought It was love
But I guess it just was lust
She took my soul
She took my pride
I thought she loved me
But I guess all that matters now
Is that she lied.
"ONLY A MEMORY"
Blanketing my memory
With a sheet of loving care,
Making me forget the past
That she can never share.
And yes, she's almost done it
Each day her power grows,
Whilst with it grows my love for her
As hers, for me, she shows.
I've wasted tears throughout my life,
On love I thought I'd missed.
Mistaking misguided heartbreak
For what it really is.
But now those tears are over
She's kissed away the pain,
I disregard the memories
As simply, "yesterday."
Yet whilst my past goes clouded
And faces blur from view,
I'll never have the power
To stop remembering you.
Your image haunts me still,
Refusing still, to fade,
Her love has filled my mind and life,
But in my heart you've stayed.
"HOLDING ONTO DREAMS"
I'm holding onto dreams
That I know ill not come true,
I'm holding onto hopes
That's all that's left to do.
I'm holding onto memories
Of times that long have past.
I'm holding onto fantasies
But how long will they last?
I'm dreaming of a future
Full of love, joy and laughter,
I'm dreaming of an ending
That reads: "happy-ever-after."
I'm waiting for sunshine
That forever gleams
I know it may be futile
But I'm holding onto dreams.
"CALL IT LOVE"
You can break me with one look
Yet you are my strength
I can touch you
And you're never there
We can love
And you won't feel a thing.
It's too empty
It's too fully
Too much a part of me
I can't let go, I won't let go
You can go to him
I'll pretend he doesn't exist
I'll invent a world
Where I can touch you
Where no one but me has priority
You can hurt me
You can make me cry - and you do
But you can't escape
I can't escape
Call it self-destruction if you like
I call it love.
"YOU AND I"
A heart full of loving
A lifetime of dreams
An armful of cuddles
A lungful of screams
An eyeful of tears
Two feet on the ground
Now all I need
Is to have you around
I know I shouldn’t say,
I Miss You.
It is wrong,
Forgive Me.
But, my feelings for you,
Are, just so strong.
Ok, I won’t say,
I Miss You.
I’ll only say, I miss…,
Well…, just parts of you.
You should know that.
I miss your beautiful brown eyes,
And that, is no lie.
I miss your nose,
I miss your smile
And yes, even your cute little toes.
I miss your warm touch,
I liked it, so very much.
I miss your tender kiss,
There’s even more things that I miss.
I miss the way you used to wear my clothes
I miss your giggle,
And Yep, even your wiggle.
I truly miss,
Your, Love Handles,
When I think of you,
Nobody, can hold a candle.
I miss your mind,
I think, I miss it the most.
Forgive me once more,
If, I can’t help boast.
Is it Ok?
If, I just say,
These are just some of the things,
I do miss
But, I won’t say,
I Miss You.
I just miss…
I won't do it again
Love you with open arms
Without fear of falling
I have fallen before
Like a baby's first steps
Crumbling, getting up
Crying, as we reach for the one we love
And I won't do it again
I won't do it again
Trust you
Without reason
Praying that you don't turn away
You've done it before,
You've done it now
And I won't let you do it again.
"Lost Friendship"
We
used to spend hours together,
And now we're torn apart (forever?).
I know situations change
But it still feels strange
Not to see you,
not to even talk to you.
What did I do to push you away?
From others I've pulled away,
But not from you, you kept me sane.
And now I wonder, will it ever be the same?
Do we even have a chance to get it back?
I long to see you or even hear your voice,
But I don't know what you'd do.
Would I push you further away?
Or
worse you push me
I miss the days we talked forever;
Will they come again, probably never.
But still for them I long,
While I try to remain strong
And not ponder too long our lost friendship
Your
false persona
Makes others think
That you are someone
Who you re really not.
You pull free and argue
Bite the bullet and then
Spit it back in their faces
They’re obliged to believe you.
You’re an idiot who
Doesn’t live in the real world
You think that the Earth
It revolves around you.
You used to cry to me,
Real crying, when you couldn’t
Get your own way, believe me
Those tears will work no more.
You think I m heartless?
Oh sure, but you cannot feel
The feelings that I feel, the feelings
That you caused me to conceal.
Because in everyone else’s eyes
You’re innocent, but they’re fooled,
They only hear your side, don’t bother
Listening to mine. I am the scum .
I don’t have enemies, most people
Know to stay on the right side of me
When someone falls out with me big-time
That’s it, they’re gone, they die.
I know how to mess a life up
But don’t cause me to try
You pushed me too far, I won’t take it
Your time is up, now say goodbye.
Inside
this macho image
Is a soul that one may touch,
There also beats a heart
That needs caring for so much.
I am just a man
Who bleeds when he gets hurt,
Not always blood from wounds received
But tears to wash away the dirt.
Even
though you'll never see a tear
Because pride holds it within,
When I'm alone within myself
I cry, for it's no sin.
I
am just a man
That needs a caring woman's voice,
A shoulder I may lean on
When there are times I have no choice.
As
a man I must be recognized
As I'm separate from all the rest,
For there are things that I can't do
But I try my very best.
I
am just a man
Two of me you'll never see,
Besides some faults there's still some good
That comes from out of me.
There
may be times you'll wonder
What makes me tick inside,
For there are times I don't express
The feelings that I hide.
I
am just a man
With a slight touch of boy in me,
A part that seems to never grow up
Which I can't hide that easily.
So
if you'd like my heart to open
Then touch my soul, to which you can,
Just look upon me as an individual
But not as I am just a man.
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
"
Perfection in these flowers
Reminding us of you,
The love you gave so freely,
And the caring things you'd do.
Please
And our pride in you is strong,
You'll never really leave us
For your memory lingers on.
Your body may be silent
But your soul has been set free,
And you're living in our hearts now
Where we know you'll always be.
"TOO MANY YEARS"
I went there today
The smell was old, so old.
The air I breathed out
Seemed to die as it hit the atmosphere
The lino floor shifted under my weight
And the lifeless bodies belonging to lifeless bodies
Watched my every move
The attendant chatted on as if the scene was normal,
The gnarled shapes placed in chairs
Took foetus-like positions
From childhood to adulthood and back again
The stench was unbearable
I excused myself and made my way
Through the dark and lonely halls
I reached the light
And took a deep breath of the air of real life,
MY LIFE!
And I vowed
I would never grow old!!
("untitled")
I weep for what I did not have,
I do not have, I shall not have -
Your love
For you are gone
Farther than another man's arms
To where I can not reach you with my hand
My heart.
What use to me are your bones, your recollected face,
Who longed for the warm and living flesh?
I weep for what I have not known
Your kisses and caresses.
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
"TRAPPED"
I'm trapped
Between who I want to be
And who they want me to be
What do I do?
Go my own way
And lose who are close to me
Or go theirs and lose my soul.
"I keep thinking I will make this all up to you, and maybe someday I will.
I guess I never loved you quite as well as the way you loved me.
I guess I will never really be able to tell you how sorry I am and how much I miss you in my life."
"I know we're not having a "relationship" so I can't officially write you this but I thought it was important to let you know.
I
once
was a man that was injured so deeply by love he became afraid to let anyone
ever get that close again. Then came the loneliness
and the pain of isolation. So pain seemed to follow whatever path I took.
Then the sun walked through the door and brought warmth to all the pain. From somewhere my fear of being close became a need to be closer. When love walks in the door it somehow manages to just take over and all the things you swore you would never do again, you find yourself doing them all. Getting flowers, lighting candles, starring at the stars. Every time I see you, I can feel my muscles pulling at the corners of my mouth, parting my lips in a smile.
You
don't give yourself enough credit, you are far more
entrancing and special than you allow yourself to believe. I value you,
your opinion, your mind, and your sense of humour.
You should too, only more so, for you have spent all your life knowing
yourself, and I've only been graced with these few paltry yet precious
moments. I envy you, because you know the woman I yearn to understand.
I remember the times you've hugged me, and I'm kicking myself for having made you ever feel that those touches were unwelcomed. You never offended me with them, just the opposite, I came to like them, perhaps a little more than I should have. What to you was probably an innocent gesture to me was rapture. And so here I am, at my wit's end. How do I tell you how I feel without putting my foot in my mouth, or startling you? Do I give you this, or keep my silence until the day comes when we part company?
"I might not have everything you need. but I promise I will give you more love than anyone has ever given to you. I will be the one who stays forever, I promise."
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
("I've had many requests to make this available again because it touched a lot of people's hearts. The underlying message in these words are as poignant now as it was then. Take the time to remember what should be really important to you in life because someday it might be gone......Damien")
15 October 2003
"Today I buried a friend.
I was only contacted by Cassandra a few weeks ago to come and see her in hospital, and I was there, holding her hand as she passed from this life to the next.
Cass
died from an aggressive strain of Leukaemia and
had been fighting it for a couple of months.
There was nothing the doctors could do. It’s true what people say,
“only the good die young”, and she was a good
woman, mother to her child and wife to her husband.
I thank her for letting me have the chance to say goodbye.
Even though, I had not kept in regular contact with her over the years, when we spoke before she died, she wanted to let me know that I had made a difference in her life and believe it or not, the choices she had made since we parted. She wanted to thank me in person and that’s why she needed to see me. She wanted to tell me that I had helped make her a stronger person with more of a belief in herself because I had believed in her and stood by her during a tough time in her life when no one else would, and that she always loved me for that and besides, she said with a cheeky look in her eye, I could always make her laugh. It was then that she asked me to hold her hand when it was her time to die.
There
was a pause between us, and then she started to cry.
I just looked at her, I didn’t know what
to say to something like that, I couldn’t believe that I could have had that
effect on someone. I kissed her
cheek while I gently stroked her forehead and thanked her for letting me be
there for her then and especially now.
I
visited her many times before she passed on and we spoke about the past, the
friends, the good times, the bad times and everything in-between.
Even though it was supposed to be a sad time, each time I left, I was
smiling. She always had that
effect on me.
At the funeral service her husband came up to me with their young daughter and we spoke briefly exchanging words of grief and remembrance of a brave and wonderful woman.
It
was then her daughter tugged at my sleeve and said “I know you!!
Mummy talked about you.” I
looked at her husband with astonishment and he nodded his head.
“Yes, it’s true, he said, Cass used to talk about you often, and
show pictures of the two of you together and it always would make her smile.
I guess Lisa remembered your face.”
I smiled and then looked away, choking back tears.
He then shook my hand and thanked me as he walked away with his
daughter waving back at me.
I stood at Cass's grave long after the grave side service, long after the final people in attendance had left and I stood even longer after the workers had finished placing the final piece of earth over her coffin as the sun went down. I thought about her, the first time I saw her, the first time I looked into her eyes, the first time I kissed and held her in my arms and our subsequent relationship after that and the time when we realized we had to say goodbye to each other.
It
wasn’t a bitter break-up, she simply moved inter-state and I stayed here,
that’s all. I had dealt with
the pain of that separation to a point where I hardly ever spoke about
her, but occasionally, she drifted into my thoughts and I had that ever
nagging thought “what if only??.”
She
married a great guy, they settled back in
That
was how it went between us until she contacted me to come to see her in
hospital. I don’t like
goodbyes, especially ones so final. I
won’t ever see or hear from her again.
What do you
say at times like this, ...... I really don’t
know?
This
is the second time this year, in the space of a few months that I’ve had the
displeasure of attending a funeral for a friend.
It seems, when I think about it, over the years I’ve said this final
goodbye to a lot of people from my youth be it from disease, accident or
suicide. Let me say right now, I
don’t like doing it, not one bit, it breaks my heart. I cannot
understand why I'm still here when they are gone.
Death is inevitable for us all I suppose, even if we don’t like to face it, and I’ve had to face it a variety of ways over the years, be it in situations involving myself, family or by friends. It’s these times that we are forced to confront our own mortality. It forces us to recognize what really is important to us in our lives.
Love,
friends, family these are the important things, for me anyway, not wealth or
possessions but assets just the same, except these are assets for our souls.
I learnt a long time ago that these things are the most important
because without them nothing else holds as much meaning.
You can spend a whole lifetime gathering wealth, gathering possessions
but when death comes knocking, it’s what’s in our souls, in our hearts and
how we’ve lived our lives, that is what pays the Grim Reaper, nothing
else. "What
we leave behind isn't as important as how we've lived".
It
took me a long time to realize that, and because of this I’ve had regrets of
things I should have done or shouldn’t have done, things I've said and
things I shouldn't have said. I’ve
hurt people I’ve loved, caused pain to family, lost friends and girlfriends
and there were always times I’ve been sorry I couldn’t love them the way I
always meant to. So let met say now “I
may have never said I love you, but I meant it every day with all my heart.”.
These
were the thoughts that were passing through my mind as I stood by Cass's grave
and I silently thanked God for allowing Cass and I to meet and share that
brief time in our lives.
At
the same time though, I cursed him for allowing such a woman to die, why, I
thought? It’s not fair,
it just doesn’t make any sense.
That’s
one thing I try to do. I try to
make sense of things. Which is why, I guess, I believe in Destiny. There
must’ve been a reason…There must've be.
As
I finally walked away from her grave it occurred to me, Maybe, just maybe,
when God made Cassandra, he worked so hard on her that he broke the mould she
was cast from, and now he needed Cass back in Heaven to make another one.”
“Cya
soon Cass.”
Damien
"SHE HAD 600 DIFFERENT SMILES..."
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
"This was inspired by the last speech made by "Anthony Garcia" in the movie "When A Man Loves A Woman", I sat down with the first few lines of that speech and I expanded from there. It helped me to express my feelings from a break-up with a girl I loved deeply and could never tell her just how much...maybe she'll know now."
"She had 600 different smiles
They could light up your life
They could make you laugh....out loud
Just like that
They could even make you cry
Just like that
That was just with her smiles
Little things I remember now
A soft touch
An even softer kiss
The feel of her hand in mine
The smell of her hair
Things that I know I will never experience again
You see I loved her
I really loved her
I tried everything to keep her
Except listen
Really listen
And that's how I left her alone
I'm so ashamed of that
And I couldn't even tell her
Maybe if I did we would still be together
Instead because of pride I didn't
Instead she left me for someone else
And now all I have left are scattered memories
Which I clutch to for comfort during the long endless nights
As I sit here alone.
"LETTER TO AN UNFORGOTTEN LOVE"
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
"I'm afraid it had to be", "lonely loser you and me."
My darling this is a love letter to you. You will never read it and perhaps that is just as well. I would not want to add to the pain you suffered or the lonely moments you endured, locked in the solitude of your own personal, hidden hell.
Yet, selfishly, I would wish these words could reach you. The you would know what you meant to me. What you mean to me still.
Today, tomorrow and beyond. I think maybe you do know. Apart we are together, you and I. Two who are one. Eternally welded by the links of the love that we shared. I hope you can remember those brief, shining moments spent together.
Gratitude is such a tiny word for a life that included your presence. But I am grateful to you. I mingled my tears with yours, and echoed your laughter, joined in at the delight you felt at your hard-earned triumphs. I thrilled at your strength, and cursed God for all your burdens, wishing I could take them from you, seeking the courage to share, and the wisdom to understand why. But....sometimes I was more lost than you, failing you when you needed me most.
Even though I damned the Creator who made you as you are, I adored him for the very fact of your being. My rage was as nothing compared to the thankfulness for his bringing you into my life.
What joy we found in that life. What happiness was allowed to two people so alike and yet so different. Different. That is the word people used to describe you, but you are not different, you are so like the others I have known but yet so unalike. You have such a capacity for love, warmth and charm. That is the real you: neither angel nor devil, but with irresistible overtones of both.
You were never perfect though, my darling, not even in my own enchanted eyes. And yet it seems in retrospect, the very imperfections that threatened to break us apart were the ones that brought us closer together... to share the cruel hurts and savour the dreams that were always beyond our reach.
Those dreams we wished for are now never to be. Such beautiful dreams. Even as I still hope for their fulfilment, I know that they are no more than the wishful thinking of this grown-up child. But I still believe in dreams, my dearest. I've seen them come true for others, who are in love as we once were, and had the blind faith in each other as we once did.
I wish I believed in yesterday, but I miss you too much for that. Yesterday is something that can never live again.
Remember that night we shared. When we glistened in the park, and zoomed down children's slides into the dark. We climbed children's climbing bars and hung face-to-face, bathed in the stars. It was then you felt my arms caress your arms, and you curled your toes around my heels. No-one heard the quiet sounds we made together on the ground, when the trees cut moon clouds into lace and you pressed your softness to my face.
Remember on that night when you lost me in the dark and I called out to you; "Don't worry, I will find you. I'll follow the scent of the skin cream you smooth on both your face and neck, your arms and breast, and even on your legs and belly."
Will you ever answer me again if I ever get close enough for you to hear me say the words "I Love You" "I Love You". I've learned to say it in more ways than there are languages on the Earth.
You will never be Playboy Centrefold of the month, hiding flesh and feelings behind carefully posed things, you'll have my fingers to star in your dreams; they won't bruise you, although you may find thumb prints on your thighs in the morning. My fingers will help you out of your hurts, as easily as they helped you when you got undressed.
Wherever you are, you will probably be smiling at this description of yourself. And I'll hear your smile, because even quiet smiles are louder than loneliness.
When I misunderstood, or even disliked your words, please remember, you made me that way so you wouldn't be alone in the world.
Remember when I Use to make those self-important faces at the world, your excitement blew smoke into my blood which stung behind my eyes while we made love. Your tips, edges and surfaces were a harvest of excitement; lying in wait, anxious for me to gather and eat.
But kindness and good intentions are not enough to feed a baby's hunger, or mine. I needed to touch and taste your thoughts, like I touched and tasted your skin. My love was given to me by Mother to give to you. It was ancient, precious and firm and was therefore free for me to give to you. I wanted you to always hold it warm and secure inside you while were apart. I still do.
I miss lying on newly green grass with you. Lying and looking at the sky together, holding hands and hugging. I also miss the nature scent of you between clean sheets and finding strands of your hair shaped like question marks on my pillow, as if asking "Do you still love me?" Well, I did. Part of me still does. You made me feel like you breathed only because I wanted you to. Then only if yesterday was today we could then live and breathe together forever.
Remember when it was summer and we went to the beach, splashing in the surf and floating on our backs in the ocean until I couldn't stand watching the surf play against your skin any longer. I'd chase you to the car, and we'd drive home really fast, wet suits, shells, sand and all to take our famous "Loser's Shower" together. You know the kind that saves on water but not on love. I'll always love you "Lovely Loser" and please never forget that touches are better than words but words are better than sweet nothings.
Goodbye, I miss you.
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
All
I have left of you is a photograph of your face. The question is -- what do I
do with it?
Many
answers come to mind. It could be considered a multiple choice solution.
Do
I:
A.
Burn it,
B.
Throw darts at it,
C.
Rip it to shreds, or
D.
All of the above?
How
naive I was to not understand what you were capable of doing to my heart. Your
cruel words still pierce and wound my soul. I can't believe that I gave you
the power to turn my heart to glass. You shattered it and left me with broken
shards.
In
the end, I don't miss you. I don't look for your face. The pain becomes a cure
for loving you. When you, left so easily, my belief in you died. You've become
a well-taught lesson, not to be forgotten and not fondly remembered.
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
I almost lost it in that moment she tipped her head back, closing her eyes briefly as she listened to my voice. I almost lost it at the sight of her bared throat, the nakedness and the intimacy of the act drawing a (hopefully) inaudible gasp from me.
But I kept talking, and my control returned. The things she said, explaining that she had used her ex-boyfriend as an excuse in some ways -- admitting what I’d seen for so long -- holding herself distant by virtue of her ...'involved'...status. No longer.
The things I want to do to her, with her, for her, shocked me in a sudden rush. How quickly it all came when I didn’t keep my guard up. So close to the surface.
But walking her to her door after the party had been a very, very bad idea.
I toughed it out, reminding her, that I was there for her, supporting her, standing before her door trying to avoiding the opportunity for her to ask me in.
I *have* to decline. Must decline. I wanted it too much, too soon, She had to be allowed to grieve, to elect to rebuild. And even then....well, it was always possible that I wouldn't have a chance even then. I couldn’t go in, not until we both laid the ghosts of the past to rest… it wouldn’t be fair to her….it wouldn’t be fair to me. Our hearts belonged elsewhere.
I managed to decline, barely, when she did finally ask me in. With me saying for the ninth time that she wasn't alone in the world, in the dark. That I’d be there, now and as long she needed me or wanted me to be.
I made it back, alive, in control, to my room. I sat in the dark and pondered -- let myself see it, just the once -- exactly what I wanted to do with the woman I'd just left. With her.
To love her gently, tremendously gently, and pull out the laughter that rested under her skin. Just by touching it the right way. I wanted to see her smile, instead of that pained look that meant suppressed tears. Kiss the palm of her hand, just to see, if it was as perfect as I imagined. To imagine all the things that could one day lay ahead for us, that we could share.
It was too much to bear, and I stood, at the window, facing the stars. And thought, perhaps, the she might be standing in her room facing the same stars. Pondering. Wondering.
We could share that, for now.
"I REALLY MISS YOU....."
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
"I
really miss you, I really do, and even though the two of us have split apart
now, I know that you will forever be in my heart. I never meant to hurt you
and I don't think you meant to hurt me either.
Things
happened and we turned to face our own paths in life.
I wish you the best because you truly were the centre piece of me. I'll always keep a special place for you inside of me and I'll never forget the chills your name used to send through my body every time I heard it. You used to make it so easy to love you, with you I could shine and now that light has gone from me and I miss it and most of all I miss you.
I'll
always love you."
"THE PAST"
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
"People say that I can't give up the past. They are right. I can't.
To give up or to deny my past is to deny myself the experiences and learning that the past has given me.
To deny my past is to deny who I am, who I was, who I will be. The past allows us as human beings to grow and change. Without our acknowledgement of our past, is, in a sense, to not acknowledge ourselves.
People think that not giving up the past is a sign of weakness. I say that it is a sign of strength. To acknowledge my past is to accept everything about it, not run from it, the hope that we have felt, the joy that we have felt and even the pain that causes some people to give themselves up to the feelings of despair and desperation.
Without my past I have no experiences to learn from, therefore, logical reasoning dictates that I cannot be the person who I am truly meant to be.
My past defines, who I was, who I am now, and in time, will also define the person I will become."
|
Letter To An Unforgotten Love |
|||
|
All I Have Left... |
I Really Miss You... |
||
|
|
|
Diary Blog Damien Hall
Ballroom
Dancing Ballroomdancing DanceSport Jive Cha Cha
Rumba Waltz Quickstep Viennese Waltz Foxtrot New Vogue Jason Gilkinson
Peta Roby Paul Green Aleksandra
Australians
Australasians Star International National Results
Queensland Australia Paso Doble Samba Street Latin
Standard Latin American Karen Rufus Karen Green Sonia Kruger Strictly
Ballroom Paul Mecurio USA United States World World
Latin BlackPool British Ballroom Dancing Coaches
DanceSport Coaches Burn The Floor Australian Dancing Society Blackpool Dance
News DanceSport News