A new guy in town Richard Jaram walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the bar. It's filled to the brim with ten dollar bills.The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars there. He approaches the bartender and asks him, "What's up with the jar?" The bartender tells him, "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests then you get all of the money."
"What are the three tests?" "Pay first. Those are the rules." So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the
jar with the other bills. Bartender: "OK, here's what you have to do....
First you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing it.
Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth... you have to remove it with your bare hands.
Third, there's a 90 year old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her."
The man responds, "Well, I know I've paid my ten bucks but I'm not an idiot, I can't do all that... it's impossible!
"Well, you asked, and I told you... those are the rules, and your money stays in the jar."
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp.
Tears are streaming down his cheeks but he does not make a face. Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking, screams, yelps and growling, and eventually silence.
Just when they think the man must surely be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped to shreds and big scratches all over his body.
"Now," he says, "where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

1. If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
2. If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
3. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,does he become disoriented?
4. Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
5. What do chickens think we taste like?
6. What do people in China call their good dishes?
7. What do you call a male ladybug?
8. What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
9. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
10. When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
11. Which is the other side of the street?
12. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
13. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
14. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
15. Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?

BUMPER STICKERS WE'D JUST LOVE TO SEE ...

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Be nice to your kids...they're going to pick your nursing home.

Dyslexics have more fnu

Clones are people, two

Rap is to music, what Etch-a-Sketch is to art

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway

Have you heard the one about the fellow who goes to visit his elderly father in hospital. He asks his dad how they are treating him to which his dad replies that the beds are very comfortable, the food is great and the nurses are wonderful. They wait on him hand and foot and at night bring him a cup of hot Milo and a viagra tablet.
The son is quite concerned about this so he seeks out the sister in charge, and tells her that he is very happy with the care that his father is getting except for the hot Milo and the viagra tablet last thing at night. Why would you give a man in his late seventies a viagra tablet with hot Milo......quite simple said the sister. the hot Milo is to get him off to sleep and the viagra tablet is to stop him from rolling out of bed.

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