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Transcript 225D — Coping with Separation
HC: Good evening. Welcome to Open Forum.
CALLER: Yes. I'm very sad. I want to say that my wife and I are both Christians. My wife and children left me some time ago. You know, with no intention of divorce or anything. It's just a separation. It's just gone on and on and on. We see each other on weekends and are extremely happy in each other's company. She says there is no problem whatever between us anymore. There is nothing unforgiven or unresolved, no bitterness, no malice, nothing. And yet she won't move back.
She says she is waiting for God to tell her when. And yes, to answer your question, we are engaged in Christian counselling. But apparently it isn't reuniting us. And I was just wondering what is the next step? And I'd be happy to hang up now, unless you have a question of me.
HC: Well now, it's obvious from your statement that you desperately want reconciliation in the fullest sense, and she is not ready for that reconciliation. And this means, therefore, that all you can do is be very very patient and pray that God, in His divine providence, in His grace, in His mercy, might incline your wife's heart to this.
You have to wait on the Lord for this. Now if I was talking to your wife, then I would tell her that she is living in a sinful relationship because the Bible says, in I Corinthians 7, and maybe in a gentle way, if you're going to a counsellor and if she's willing to listen to the Bible, you might point this out, in I Corinthians 7 it says in verse 3, "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights. And likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does. Do not refuse one another, except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer. But then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control."
More than that, the Bible says that the wife is to be obedient to her husband. She is to obey her husband's desires in all things lawful. And so you have to be very patient with your wife. There is something going on in her life that's not right, and God has to deal with her on this matter.
CALLER: I've waited so long. It's breaking my heart.
HC: Well, now, maybe God is testing you. You know, God sends testing programs into our lives. The thing we've got to learn, and all of us have to learn this in one way or another, and God sends chastisements into our lives because He does love us and because He does want to strengthen our faith, and one of things we have to learn is patience.
You know, you think about how patient God has been with you. How many times have you sinned against God in your lifetime? Well, you don't know. There's a whole long list, isn't there? How often has Christ forgiven you? How patient has He been with you? And He continues to be just superbly patient with you. And so we have to learn to be patient with one another.
We think that things ought to go our way right now. We know what's best, and why can't it be tomorrow, or at least no later than the day after tomorrow? But we must learn to be forgiving again and again and again. We must learn patience. And so just relax in the Lord. Leave it with Him.
When you find the strain in your life, when you find the tension in your life because of it, what does Philippians 4:6 and 7 say? "Don't be anxious about anything. But with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving" (and you've got a lot to be thankful for: your wife has not remarried someone else; you still are having conversation with each other; you're experiencing a day at a time, now and then, together; you can thank God for your salvation, and that's everything; you have God who will never leave you nor forsake you, and so on), "with thanksgiving, make your requests known to the Lord." Now the Lord doesn't promise that in five minutes He's going to solve it all. He simply says, "and the peace of God that passeth understanding will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Christ will strengthen you so that you can patiently endure, patiently endure.
And when you become impatient, just think of what Christ patiently endured on your behalf.
CALLER: Yes, sir. Thank you very much.
HC: You're welcome. Good night.