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Transcript 384C
Intimacy in Marriage – A Biblical Perspective
HC: Good evening. Welcome to Open Forum.
CALLER: Good evening. The question I would like to ask is probably a sensitive one. It is dealing with the controversy of homosexuality. I think that sex with one's marital partner can be just as evil as homosexuality. And since I have this feeling, and I believe that lusting beyond what is normal is evil, I want to back it up with Scripture. I'd like to back it up with Scripture. And I was wondering if you could give me scriptural references to this.
HC: Now it's very interesting, you know, that when we study the Bible we find that God deals with sex. God deals with that which is the most intimate relationship that exists between men and women, that is, between husband and wife. And of course God has to deal with it to some degree because He made man. He made woman. And He put within them the body chemistry, the sexual desires. God is thoroughly aware of our sexual desires, because He created us this way.
But now when God created man, God gave us His Word, to give to us all that was necessary so that we might really know truth. And when we search the Bible, we find that it is not written like the pornographic literature of today. Now I used that word pornographic very advisedly. There are lots and lots of books on the market today, and they're increasingly becoming available. It started in the secular field, but now it's getting into the sacred field, also, into the so-called Christian books, where there is all kinds of information about sex relationships, just all kinds of detail. And words are used, and suggestions are made, and so on, that you just don't find any relationship to at all in the Bible.
Now this is because man's mind is depraved, and man thinks this way as quickly as possible. And even Christians think they have to think this way. Now the Bible talks about the sexual relationship, and lays down some basic rules. And if we follow these basic rules, then we don't have to read books on sexual relationships. In fact, I think that they're very very negative. I think that they contribute to lust. I think that they encourage wrong thinking in the minds of marriage partners. I really believe that when God created mankind He put within them enough common sense so that when the man and the woman become married they can work out their sexual relationship with each other without any outside help whatsoever. I think our whole system, our whole culture, has gone awry on this.
Now let's look at the passages that relate to the sexual relationship. And let's look at the language that God uses. Now in I Corinthians 7:2 and 3, God indicates that the husband's body belongs to the wife, and the wife's body belongs to the husband. In Matthew 19, He says that they are one flesh. Now that indicates that there can be the most intimate relationship between husband and wife. There can be the most intimate relationship, because they belong to each other and they are one flesh.
Now how are they to look at each other? In I Thessalonians 4 God sets the way that the husband is to look at the wife and the wife is to look at the husband. In I Thessalonians 4:3 God declares, "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication." Now fornication is any kind of adulterous thinking or action outside of the marriage relationship. And then it goes on, "that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel (and the vessel in this context is the wife or the husband) in sanctification and honor, not in the lusts of evil desire, even as the Gentiles which know not God."
Now that's what God says, you see. He says that the husband is to look at his wife as a holy vessel, as an honorable vessel, as someone that God has given to him to love and to cherish. And if he looks at her this way, and she looks at him that way, and they realize that they are one flesh and they can be in the most intimate relationship with each other, because their bodies belong to each other, then you've got a formula where the husband and the wife can work this out between them, and they don't have to talk this matter over with their friends. They don't have to ask questions, "Can this be done?" or "Can that be done?" They don't have to read primers or books on sexual relationships. They can work this out right in the husband–wife relationship. And that's where it belongs.
And I think Christians ought not to use language of the world. I don't think they ought to discuss the suggestions that are offered in pornographic literature, these books that detail the sexual relationship. I really don't think there is a place for that. I think that as Christians we ought to be in the habit of using the biblical language.
Now God does use some ugly language, in Romans 1, where He talks about men burning with lust for men, and unnatural desire for women, of course speaking of homosexuality there. But God chooses His language very carefully, and He gives us enough information so that the husband and the wife who have just become married are going to have that marvellous time of exploration and of discovery as they live together and discover each other as husband and wife.
CALLER: I see. So that would indicate that we're to treat our bodies honorably. Then these acts would be abnormal acts, because it seems to me that these are not normal.
HC: Well, I'm quite convinced that no husband and wife would even think of those acts unless they had been reading other books. I'm quite convinced that these kinds of things are things that are a result of the depraved culture that we're living in. And I'm very distressed when I begin to read even Christian books where they are starting to detail the sexual act, as if God has not put enough intuitive sense within the husband and wife so that they can work this out together.
I wonder what people did before the time of the printing press. People have lived on this planet for 13,000 years, and they've borne children, and they've loved each other, and they've related to each other. And they certainly didn't need all of the pornographic material that's available today.
CALLER: It reminds me of the story of Jezebel, and the form of worship that she was involved in.
HC: Well, there always has been sexual depravity, because mankind is in rebellion against God. But that sexual depravity is fed as we put ourself in the place of temptation. When we read this kind of material, and when we talk about these kinds of things with our friends, we will find, and I don't think anyone is immune to this, that that develops the fires of lust within the human heart, because even after we're saved we have a body that lusts after sin. And this is the kind of think that we often "pooh-pooh." We often look down our long noses at the so-called Victorian Age, when everything was prudish and proper, and so on. And of course in those days there were all kinds of sin abuses, grievous sin abuses. But amongst those who were Christians, I think they were on the right track altogether.
CALLER: So therefore these things are just as grievous to God as homosexuality.
HC: Well, of course I don't like to say that one sin is bigger than another sin. There are those who say, "Well, that is a terrible sin, and this is a less terrible sin." Actually, sin is sin. A homosexual is living in sin, a drunkard is living in sin, a person who is thinking adulterous thoughts is living in sin. Someone who is swearing is living in sin. Sin is everywhere. Sin is everywhere. We don't go around stamping out sin or pointing out sin. Our task is to be an ambassador of the Gospel, to recognize that there is sin everywhere, and there is a way of gaining victory over sin. And that is through Christ. Whether a person is a homosexual or a murderer or a drunkard, or living adulterously with someone, or embezzling funds from his employer, or whatever he is doing, in Christ he can become a new creature. And that's the wonder of the Gospel.
CALLER: The Bible says we are in the world but not of the world.
HC: Yes.
CALLER: Thank you very much for that information.
HC: Thank you for calling. Good night.