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Transcript 458A — Coping with an Alcoholic Husband
HC: Good evening. Welcome to Open Forum.
CALLER: Hello. Tonight is the night of the final decision. I meet with this grocery man who destroyed my husband's and my marriage, and we're about to lose our home because he made my husband a chronic alcoholic. When my husband got out of the hospital last year, his conservator warned this man, who has a liquor license, not to sell my husband alcohol, or it would be the ruination of him. And he did not heed the warning. I warned him not to sell it to him. And as a result my husband was getting worse and worse, deeper into booze, until he walked back and forth four times a day, bought the liquor, drank it on the way home, then went back for more.
It got so bad that he has to be hospitalized, and if he isn't in a locked facility he's going to destroy himself or me. Last week he attacked me because I tried to stop him from burning the house down. He was frying something on a plastic plate, and it was going up in flames. And I tried to stop him. Ant he had a spoon in his hand, and if God hadn't protected me, if he had had a knife in his hand, I wouldn't be talking to you now. But he attacked me with this spoon, and he stabbed me so badly ant threw me against the stove that I had to go to the hospital.
Now I feel that this grocery man is responsible for ruining our lives. I haven't got the money to pay for his hospitalization, ant I would like to take him to court and make him pay the expenses for my husband's hospital. He cannot save my marriage anymore because my husband has suffered so much brain damage that he can't live in a normal environment anymore. He must be in a locked faculty. I will have to borrow money on my house and sell it in order to pay expenses. And I feel that it's only fair that this man should be faced with the responsibility of what he did and pay for my husband's hospital.
HC: You see, one of the problems that we face is that when we have a loved one who gets involved in a sin problem, and of course alcohol is a sin problem, if your husband had been a born again believer, obviously he would not have gone into this sin. Every individual has a sin nature, ant it's going to reveal itself in one way or another. Now in your husband's case it happened to be that he had a weakness for alcohol. And this is of course typical of many many people in the world.
Ant when a man is destroying himself, there is an inclination on our part to put the blame somewhere. We want to put the blame somewhere, if we possibly can. But ultimately the blame is in the fact that we are sinners. If this grocer had not sold alcohol to your husband, I'm sure that your husband probably would have figured out another way to obtain his alcohol, in one way or another. If he had learned to put his trust in alcohol, and that's typical of an alcoholic. He finds that by drinking alcohol he can escape the realities of the world. He has found that in alcohol he has some kind of a security. Even though he knows it's destroying his life, he still thinks that there is some security there.
I really believe that what you can do is pray for your husband. It's only the Lord who can change things. And personally, of course, I can't tell you what you should do or should not do. But to sue the grocer, it's pretty hard to sue someone else for our own sins. True, the world around us contributes to our sins. The man, for example, who is troubled by evil desire goes to the corner grocery store, and he may pick up some pornographic literature, which helps to inflame his evil desires. And so he might go out and rape. Well, you could say, Well then, I'll sue the store on the corner that sells pornographic literature, because this was used to inflame my loved one's sensual desire. In other words, we want to put the blame somewhere.
Now God warns us and encourages us by saying, "Vengeance is mine. I will repay." When people do us bad things, or we really think that someone has done us a bad turn, we leave them in the hand of the Lord. Whatever they have done, God will take care of that. Of course we have an idea for instant justice, and we'd like to see it happen as soon as possible. But God has His own time plan. But on the last day every unbeliever has to give an account of his sins, and God will balance the scales of justice.
My recommendation would be (whether you're looking for it or not, I don't know) that to sue is only going to get you tense. It's only going to develop bitterness. It's only going to escape a larger problem. And that is that your husband is an unsaved man, obviously. But you can pray for him, that the Lord in His graciousness might still open his spiritual heart.
Now the account of your husband is not at all unusual. Millions of men, and women, too, are alcoholics, because this is one of the grievous sins that is part of the heritage of mankind.
CALLER: Mr. Camping, there is a law that bars are not allowed to sell to people who come in drunk. And this grocery man saw him come in staggering drunk. And even though he was warned by the authorities, he still sold him the liquor. Now he's the only one around here. And I really believe that my husband wouldn't have been so chronic, and we might have been able to save him, if this man hadn't done this.
HC: Well, it would be impossible, obviously, for me to adjudicate a case like this. I know little about the details. That's not my role to be a judge of any kind in this kind of a matter. I do, however, want to encourage you to remember that God is the one who, and if laws have been broken and if you legally can do this and do that, that of course is your privilege so to do. But ultimately God is the one who is in control of all things. And if a man is an unsaved man, the potential for wrongdoing, the potential for sin, is very very great. And the whole world is an environment in which wrongdoing can be done.
I know of drunkards, for example, who always seem to find their Liquor. And they'll hide it here or there in their house or in their farm or in their garage, so that they can nip as often as they want. The heart of man is very perverse, and they will find their way in one way or another if they possibly can.
CALLER: Is the Bible against separating from a man like that, who, when it comes down to it, has put my very life at stake now. I'm thinking of separation.
HC: Well, here we come to a point where we really come at the crossroads of trusting the Lord. Now common sense ant all the world around us would say, "Well, obviously, if your life is at stake, you ought to separate." But according to the Bible, first of all, the Bible indicates that you ought to be more loving, you ought to be completely loving and obedient to your husband. Even though he's an unsaved man, and even though frequently he is a drunkard, in anything lawful you are to be obedient. And you really want to be a loving wife to him, so that he can see the fragrance of Christ in your life.
And if in a violent temper he would injure you in some way, well, read I Peter 2. The Bible there says that if we have been beaten while doing well, and we take it patiently, we have God's approval, "for to this we have been called."
CALLER: I think God saved me when he put that spook in his hand instead of a knife.
HC: Yes. Certainly God was caring for you. Certainly God was caring for you. And God can care for you in any kind of a predicament if you put your trust in Him. That's the way we all want to live, just patiently trusting in God.
CALLER: Well, thank you very much.
HC: You're welcome. And may God give you much wisdom ant much patience. And many will be praying that the Lord might deal kindly and graciously with your husband, that hopefully his spiritual eyes might be opened.