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The Christ-Centred Marriage – How Wives Can Help
HC: Good evening. Welcome to Open Forum.
CALLER: Hello. This is my question. My husband and I are both born again believers, but our marriage is not Christ-centered, though. And my husband's interpretation of being head of the household is a little bit different than the Bible's. And my question is, if you could briefly give the scriptural passage found in the Bible of the husbands' and wives' duties as it pertains to having a Christ-centered marriage. And what is something that I could do as the wife to kind of help direct our marriage toward being Christ-centered, without being pushy or overbearing? And I'll take my answer over the air.
HC: All right. Fine. A very practical question, how can we have a more Christ-centered marriage? What is the responsibility of the husband and the wife in that marriage that would move it toward being Christ-centered? And how can a wife, realizing that her marriage is not as Christ-centered as it should be, in a Christ-centered fashion help to make the marriage more Christ-centered?
First of all, one of the best passages in the Bible that speaks about the relationship of husbands and wives, which ought to be kept in view from the very beginning of everything, is that which is found in Ephesians 5. In Ephesians 5:22 we read, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord." In other words, you have abandoned yourself to the Lord, that He is King of your life and that your whole life is in Him, and you must also realize that your life is committed to your husband, all subordinate of course to the Lord.
The Lord is first, and anything that your husband asks you to do that is contrary to the will of God, obviously you must be obedient to the Lord rather than to your husband. But in all things that relate to something where he's not asking you to go contrary to the Word of God, you submit to your husband as unto the Lord. You love him, you obey him, you want the very best for him. You think about the very best concerning him. These are the relationships of the wife to the husband.
And then we read in verse 23: "For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church. And He is the Savior of the body." Then it says in verse 24, "Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ." Oh, this continues with the wives: "So let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." All the way from verse 22 to verse 24 God is developing this thought about how the wives are to submit to their husbands.
Now in verse 25 God comes to the husband and lays down the rules: "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it." Now that's a tremendous statement. You see, Christ loved us when we were unlovable. Christ paid the price of eternal death for us. He shed His blood for us. He paid a very dear price for us. And He loves us eternally.
And that's the way the love of the husband ought to be for the wife. He is to love his wife not because she's loveable, not because she makes him feel good, not because she's beautiful, not because of this or because of that or the other thing. He loves her with that tender, ongoing, faithful love because she is his wife. And he is really to give much in showing his love for his wife. That's the ideal that God lays down.
And when this relationship begins to exist between husband and wife, then you have a good beginning for a home that is Christ-centered.
Now in Ephesians 6:2, or thereabouts, God says, "Fathers, bring up your children in the fear and nurture of the Lord." Now that means that there has to be Christian training at home. That means that there has to be a deep and abiding concern that the children in the home are being trained in the ways of God.
Now if this is so, it means that we as husband and wife, as parents, are going to be a reflection of Christ because if we are a reflection of the world, if we speak like the world and think like the world, and that is the atmosphere of our home, then that is the way we're going to train our children. If we really expect to have a Christ-centered home, it means we have to guard our lips. It means that we have to think about those things that are noble and pure and of good report. We have to relate to the events that happen in our life in a way that is God-pleasing. We have to begin in our own lives, and then we have to be concerned about what we are teaching and what we are doing with our children.
Now one of the intrusions in our home that is more emphatic and more assertive than anything this world ever has known is the TV set. There is nothing that has brought the world into our home quite as dramatically as TV. And any of us know this, if we've ever had a TV in our home. It is a temptation that nothing can compare with. And on that TV screen you have the whole world at your doorstep, And it is a world that is not presented to us in a God-glorifying way, necessarily, at all. There might be a few good TV programs, but there's tremendous much that is not God-glorifying a bit.
And one of the things to begin to do to modify the character of your home is to try to restrict increasingly the use of the TV. And if your TV set happens to be not functioning, if something happens to it internally, hesitate a long long time before you call the TV repairman. It really is not a blessing normally in anybody's home. It detracts from the Word of God altogether.
Now another thing that would be very helpful, which is rather formal, and it can be very mechanical and very legal, but nevertheless it can be a great help, is to have a time of family devotions. Now in many families, or in a number of families that I'm acquainted with (we've made this a practice in our home), whenever we sit down for a meal together, obviously someone is going to ask a blessing on the food. We do that whether we're alone or whether we're in a restaurant, or whether we're together as a family. We always do that.
But when we're together as a family, at one or two or three meals, depending on what time of the year it is, you know, with the busyness of families, very frequently it may end up with only one meal a day that you're together as a whole family. But then after we have nourished our bodies, then we spend just a little bit of time also nourishing our souls. And so we read a portion from the Bible. And various members of the family can do this reading. In some families each child in the family has a Bible in front of him and reads a verse. And perhaps there will be time for comment. If there is something in a verse that strikes you, you can talk about it.
And then someone can return thanks, so it is a brief time of worship on a daily basis. This can help to focus your attention back on the Word of God. Now again this can be very formal, very legal, legalistic. It can be empty of any value. But nevertheless it is a beginning plan to follow.
Now what can I do if I am a wife and my husband is not too interested in these things? What can I do?
Well, in I Peter 3:1-8 God is discussing there a wife who is married to an unsaved person. But there God talks about what a wife ought to be, and the application of course is also true in case your husband is saved. Let's just look at that a moment. I Peter 3: "Likewise ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands [that's Ephesians 5:22-24 all over again] that if any obey not the Word they also may without the Word be won by the conduct of the wives."
The "conduct" of the wives. In the King James you have "conversation," but that's an old English word for conduct. Now that's an interesting thing, you see, that the conduct of the wife can make an impact upon the husband, even if he's unsaved. And certainly if he's saved then it will even make more of an impact.
"While they behold your chaste conduct coupled with fear, whose adorning is not to be that outward adorning of plaiting of hair and wearing of gold or of putting on of apparel." That's the world, you see, that tries to attract the husband by the way she does her hair and the amount of make-up she puts on, and all of these other things. She thinks that this is what is going to excite her husband. But that's not what God is interested in.
"But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." Now you see, what God wants you to do is to be very meek. Oh, wives, it is so easy, you know, to let go against your husband. It is so easy to say far more than you should say. God is indicating here that, and of course elsewhere in the Bible God indicates that we husbands are to walk humbly before the Lord also. Jesus was meek and lowly of heart. Moses, one of the greatest leaders of the Old Testament, was of all men most meek. And all of us must walk meekly.
But also in a very real sense the wife, as she lives with her husband, is to be very meek in the home, and very submissive. And as the fruit of the Spirit is seen in her life, as she quietly goes about living to God's glory, this will make its own impact upon the rest of the home. She doesn't have to say a lot to her husband. She doesn't have to say, "You ought to do this, and you ought to do that," if she herself is doing these things that ought to be done and is the fragrance of Christ. You can depend upon it that it'll begin to rub off on the husband and also on the children, too, although in connection with the children we rule over them as mothers and as fathers. And in their case we not only are the example, but we also are going to teach them.
But let me put it the other way also. We not only teach them, by saying, "You must do this and you must do that," but we also are the example. If we are not the example, then we are going to be hypocritical in our teaching. It is going to empty a lot of the force of our teaching.
Well, I hope these suggestions help just a little bit.