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Transcript 527A — When Friends Sin
HC: Good evening. Welcome to Open Forum.
CALLER: Yes. I was going to ask a question concerning a relationship we have with some friends. The situation is this. My wife is a close friend of this woman and her husband, and we've been family friends for some time. And recently the husband and wife decided that they needed to have an abortion after she got pregnant. There was apparently some medication that she was on that they felt might complicate the situation, and they decided that they were going to have an abortion. Both of them claim to be Christians. And we're wondering what our relationship to them ought to be at this point. As I say, they have been close friends.
HC: The question is, if we have friends and they do something that we think is sinful, what should that do to our relationship to them? First of all, we are not to judge what is going on in the life of someone else. That is something they have to work out between them and the Lord. Now if you are close friends with them and they do seek counsel from you, if they ask an opinion of you, then of course you are there as a very close friend, and on a very confidential level you can tell them what you believe the Bible teaches. But if they fall into sin of one kind or another, you still want to be friends with them. You still want to try to help them where you can. Perhaps after the sin they may have remorse, and they'll be grateful that they can talk to a friend that is very considerate of them.
Certainly you cannot look at them and say, "Oh, they committed this sin and therefore we cannot be friends with them any longer." If we were going to follow that process, then none of us would have any friends because any one of us can look at each other for just a little while and we will see sin somewhere in our lives. That's the nature of it.
Now I agree with you, and I'm certain you feel this, that if this were your situation you would never never look for an abortion. I would feel that this was murder. But that's their problem with the Lord. You simply want to continue to be a friend, and perhaps sometime when you are talking about the Lord's things together, without pointing the finger at them you can talk about this and be of help in this matter.
CALLER: Where would the matter of church discipline enter in, if someone refuses to recognize something as sin? Shouldn't the church ought to have something to do with it?
HC: The question arises, where does church discipline enter into this or into any other question? If there is a church member who deliberately is living in sin, let's say that he is living in adultery, or he is planning a divorce where there ought not be a divorce, or they are planning a marriage where there ought not be a marriage, then of course the elders and the pastor ought to counsel with this person and admonish this person and exhort this person, that they not go ahead with this particular act because they would warn them that this is sin. That's a very proper role for an elder or someone who rules in the church. Now if the person said, "Well, I don't care what you tell me, I'm going to do it anyway," then the logical question has to be: Is this person really a child of God? Should he really be a member of the church?
Now if they do it anyway, and the minister continues to exhort them and counsel with them, or the deacons or elders, and afterwards there is real repentance (Oh, how could I have done this?") and you really sense that there is real repentance and confession that they had indeed sinned, then of course they would be re-welcomed. They would be welcomed again into the fellowship.
But if they persist in holding that their act was right, even though the rulers in the church were convinced that it was a deliberate act contrary to the will of God, that it was the kind of thing that has brought reproach upon the congregation, then perhaps they should be excommunicated. We see this of course in I Corinthians 5, where the man who was living with his father's wife was to be excommunicated.
Thank you for sharing those questions.