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Transcript 532A
On Sorrow, Unhappiness, and Being Reviled
HC: Good evening. Welcome to Open Forum.
CALLER: I have a problem in my Christian life, and I was wondering if you could help me. I've just finished rereading the Book of Ephesians, and it left me with a lot of doubts about my Christianity. And I was wondering if you could help me, please. Why do some Christians have more sorrows and problems in their lives than other Christians? Is it because they're bad, or they're being punished? Or is it just what God has in store for them?
HC: The first question is, why do some Christians have more sorrows and unhappiness in life than others? One of the clue phrases that we find is in Hebrews 12. There God indicates in verse 5, "My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons." And then He goes on to indicate that if we are not chastened, then we're not His sons.
So the fact that we have sorrows or that we feel the chastening of the Lord can be a real evidence of the love of God. God knows what the capacity of our faith can be, and He is going to strengthen that faith by bringing these chastenings into our lives.
CALLER: Is it sin when you go back to God and not really complain, but you constantly have to keep asking Him for help, and you fall down a lot? Is that sin?
HC: The question is, is it sin if we have to go back to God repeatedly for help, for victory over sin? Is that the idea?
CALLER: If you get hurt, if your feelings are hurt, or you just keep failing.
HC: If we keep failing. No, this is not sin. It is where we have to go for our strength. Remember that we are sheep and Christ is the Shepherd. And if you've ever studied sheep, you'll find that they're the most helpless creatures in the world. They're just completely helpless. They're dumb, and their only trust is in the shepherd. And they have no strength in themselves. They are easily beset upon by wolves or by wild animals. And the shepherd has to have constant care over them.
Well, God likens us to sheep, and He is the Shepherd. And so don't think for a moment that it is wrong to go repeatedly to God for help. Now the Bible teaches that we are to pray without ceasing. The Bible says in Hebrews 4 to come boldly to the throne of grace, to receive help in time of need.
However, if we find that it is a sin problem in our life, let's say our feelings are hurt very easily. We may have to think about this and pray for wisdom. We may discover that our feelings are hurt easily because we have a pride problem, and our pride has been hurt. And so we have to start praying more intelligently, "Oh Lord, give me victory over my pride. Help me to walk more humbly so that my feelings won't be hurt when somebody cuts me down," We have to read I Peter 2 again, where it says that when Christ was reviled He reviled not again, but trusted Him who judges justly. If people cut us down, if people say bad things about us, we can say, "Well, all right. So they've said these things. There might be an element of truth. It'll help me to reexamine my life, and whatever is false in it. God will take care of them. I only have to answer to God.
And so it may be that we can get strength as we look at again at the scriptures on these questions.
CALLER: How are we expected to treat a person that does this to us?
HC: How are we expected to treat those who cut us down and try to make life miserable for us? The Bible says we are to love our enemies. The Bible says we are to bless those who despitefully use us. We are to pray for them who curse us. And the Biblical rule for the mind of the believer I think is stated as well as anyplace in the Bible in Philippians 4:8. It's just a beautiful verse that every believer ought to keep in the forefront of his thinking: "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things."
Now someone cuts you down. Now that's a testing program of God. God knows all about it. You're His child. He knows this. And He's allowed this to happen. Now remember that we're in a testing program. We're in our wilderness sojourn, coming out of Egypt, as it were, into the land of Canaan. And they were tested. Are we really going to stand for Christ, or are we going to fall all the time? If we are a child of God, then we're going to increasingly find our confidence in Christ. And when these testing programs come, we're going to say, "Well, all right. God is testing me. And how am I to react?" Just like the question you're raising. Well, I'll pray for this person, and I'll realize, well, okay. He has to answer to God for that I don't know why he did it, but I want to make sure that there's no truth in what he or she is saying. And if there is truth, I'll correct that. But I'm going to still try to be a friend. I'm not going to react. I'm not going to take the bait.
You know, one of the neatest ways that wickedness operates, or that Satan operates, is to try to get our dander up. You see this in family situations, between husbands and wives or between brothers and sisters, very very frequently. One will make a cutting remark to the other, and the other will take the bait just so neatly, and they'll retort back with another one. And now the first one, who really wanted to start some kind of a thing, will really feel justified in continuing, because after all, look at the way the other one lashed back. And so then you've got a battle going. It'll go from bad to worse.
But the Biblical rule is, don't react. The Bible says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath." When somebody cuts you, when somebody lashes out at you, bite your tongue. Ask the Lord for grace. Say nothing. And pray for that person. And pray for yourself that you will have patience.
CALLER: But what if you have to stay in the same room, or engage in conversation, or be with this person? That's what confuses me and defeats me every time. I don't know what to say. I pray.
HC: Don't say anything, if you don't know what to say
CALLER: That's what I have been doing, but it leaves me so uncomfortable and so . . .
HC: You feel uncomfortable because you don't feel right toward that person. You feel uncomfortable because there is anger in your heart, there's resentment, there's bitterness, and you'd like to express it, and yet you realize that you should not express it.
Now what you have to do is pray the Lord, "Oh ford, I'm going to be in this room with this person, and this person (whoever it may be) is going to look for opportunity to cut me down." And anticipate this. Really gird yourself. Arm yourself that you'll be ready for this. And so you pray, "Oh Lord, if she cuts me down the next time, give me the grace not to think bitterly toward her. Give me the grace to pray and desire the very best for her. Give me the grace that I will not feel personally threatened by this." And arm yourself with this.
And then look for when the bait is going to be thrown at you. And so when she makes a cutting remark, you're anticipating it. You can say, "Yes, she did it. I've already prayed for victory, and I'm not going to take the bait. I'm just not going to take the bait. I'm just going to smile and go on, And if I find a bitter thought in my mind, I'm going to be praying, Oh Lord, have mercy on me. I don't want to think this way. Oh Lord, I only want the very best for my friend. And oh Lord, may the victory of the cross be seen in my life right now. Just keep praying, you see, and pray for that mind of Philippians 4:8. Pray for the mind of Christ at that point.
CALLER: What if you break and you cry? I know for a woman this is, I guess, a cop-out. What if that happens?
HC: Well, if you break and cry, there's nothing sinful in it of itself. Crying of course is an outlet. It is a way of getting rid of some bottled-up feelings. It would be far better to break and cry then it would be to sit there with bitterness.
But the fact is, you want to gain the confidence, first of all, you must make sure in your own life that you are living to God's glory, that you are doing God's will and that ultimately you answer to Him. And then if someone comes against you and calls you names or cuts you down, you know that you're answering to God, and ultimately you don't have to answer to this person. And so you are able to have a confidence, a serenity, where otherwise it might not be.
For example, and I know this is not nearly as intense as when you live with a person who might be at you all the time, but on this program, the Open Forum, very frequently I'll get a caller who will really let me have it, so to speak. I've been called a false prophet, and I've been called names, and so on, on this program. Now I can honestly say that normally this never gets to me. It never troubles me at all.
Why doesn't it trouble me? Because I'm such a big, magnanimous kind of a person, with broad shoulders and so on? No, no, that isn't the reason. I'm an ordinary human being. But because I am determined that I am trying to do God's will, and I'm just trying to be faithful, and if a caller is really coming at me like gang-busters, if there's something that he's saying which is true, well fine, I'm grateful that he has told me something that I have to correct in my life. I'm grateful for that. But beyond that, it doesn't trouble me at all. I feel that they're really arguing with themselves. They're really arguing with God and with His Word. They're not really arguing with me.
And so if you know in your life that you are living Christ's way, and then your loved one, whoever it is, is lashing out at you, just rest in the confidence, "I know that I want to live to God's glory, and I can have love for this person." And just let prayer be going on in your mind while this is happening. And God will give you victory over this. God will give you victory.
Now of course if you are troubled by a prior sin of pride, and pride is very close in all of us. I don't know of any exceptions. The nature of mankind is to be proud. And you feel cut down, you feel squashed down, you feel like you are nothing in this person's sight because of the way they are lashing out at you. Well, yes. Then it's going to be very difficult. But then you have to come to terms with that sin, and you have to start out as you arm yourself for the confrontation that you know will come because of this loved one. You have to arm yourself by first praying, "Oh Lord, you know there's pride in my life. And oh Lord, I know that I'm nothing outside of Christ. I have nothing to be proud of. And except by Thy grace I could not be a child of Thine. And therefore, help me to walk very humbly. And when my loved one lets me have it, let me not react because of pride in my life, because I feel like I am being reduced to nothing, because I started out as nothing. And whatever I am is of Christ. And therefore, if he or she wants to lambaste you, oh God, you know how to handle that. But I know that I don't have anything to defend in my life."
CALLER: I understand that, but I guess what really hurts me the most about myself is that I think I understand that this person is jealous in some ways, and this is why this is going on.
HC: Well, that may be. Anybody who is sinning, and to revile or to lash out the way we're speaking is sin, and that also has its root in other sin. Sin breeds sin. That is a fact of life. Wherever you find sin, it will breed additional sin. It will magnify into even more destructive sin.
And sin is everywhere. Sin is all around us. But we can condition ourselves, that is, by God's grace we can be conditioned, we can be insulated so that sin in the lives of others does not necessarily have to produce sin in our life.
And if you are resting in Christ, and if you've been praying for the mind of Christ, and if you will memorize Philippians 4:8 and pray God continuously that this may be the kind of mind that you want, then you will have the defenses up, and the insulation there, so that when this person, in her jealousy or whatever it may be, cuts you down, it will not trouble you. And you can rise above the circumstances, you see. And you can say, "Well, poor soul. I'll pray for you. I understand. You've got other problems in your life, but I'll pray for you." And you won't take it personally even though she wants to make it very personal.
CALLER: I also prayed that this problem would just be resolved, and the hurt just completely taken away, and God has not done that. And then lately He's given me insight that it is from Him.
HC: You see, we always pray, we always want to pray, ''Oh Lord, take the problem away." That of course is our solution to it. We can't think of a finer solution, when we are undergoing a testing program of some kind, but that God would take it away. But that is normally not God's program. God does not promise that He'll take the problem away. He will use that problem as a testing program to strengthen our faith, or to show us that we're not saved, so that we can get busy and cry out to God for mercy so that salvation might come.
If we go through a testing program and we find that we react exactly like the world does, and live like the world, and lash out like the world, continue like the world, and become bitter toward God because of it. which does happen, then that will be evidence that we aren't a child of God at all.
But if we are a child of God, the same testing program will be used of God to strengthen us. Now I talked about Philippians 4:8. Now let's look at Philippians 4:6: "Don't be anxious about anything." The King James says, "Be careful for nothing." But it really means there, "Don't be anxious about anything." And you're very anxious about this testing program that you're in, this individual who is really giving you a bad time. "But in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving" now that's very important. In other words, when you pray don't just focus your eye on this problem, but also spend a lot of time thanking the Lord that you can go to Him and that He will strengthen you, and you do have His Word as a guide, and that He has saved you, and that He has helped you endure to this moment, and so on and so on. There are thousands of things you can be thankful for. And that ought to also be a real part of your supplication to the Lord. A part of that also ought to be thanksgiving.
And then it says, "But in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto the Lord." Now what will God do in response to this kind of praying? He'll take the problem away. Not so. He doesn't say that. Verse 7: "And the peace of God which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." In other words, God will give you the peace, the strength, the serenity, the confidence, that you can go through this testing program and not fall apart under it, or respond sinfully to it. That is the promise that God gives to you. And then your life will truly be showing the victory of the cross.
CALLER: And then possibly be able to point to salvation?
HC: You see, the marvelous thing is that as we react to these testing situations in God's way, then our lives are the evidence of Christ in us. Our lives become living epistles of the Lord Jesus Christ. And then our lives begin to have an impact upon the one who is harassing us, or who is giving us the business.
You see, if you react like the world does, if you lash back when she lashes out at you, then there is no testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ in your life, and you haven't witnessed at all by that kind of an action. The fact is, you claim to be a Christian with your mouth, and yet in your actions you're showing that maybe you're not a Christian. And so it makes it very confusing to an unsaved loved one, a husband, or whoever it might be who is giving you the difficult time.
But on the other hand, as you are able to find your faith strengthened by Philippians 4:6-8, and you are to react the way God wants you to react, then your life will become the fragrance of the Lord Jesus Christ, and it will become a living witness. And you have a promise, if this is a husband, for example, in I Peter 3, that by your submission and by your quiet and peaceful spirit God can use this in order to save your husband.
CALLER: In Ephesians 4:31 it says, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice." Does He mean that if you feel that someone sins against you, that you must completely put this out of your mind?
HC: Yes. Remember what Philippians 4:8 teaches? If we have a root of bitterness in our mind, that first of all is terribly demoralizing. Oh, it's pleasant. Oh, yes, there is a certain miserable happiness in thinking bitterly toward someone Sin does have a certain joy about it. It's the perverse nature of our lives, as we relate to sin, that causes this. We like to chew over again and again in our minds these bitter ideas toward this person, recounting what they said and how wrong they were, and so on. But it is terribly demoralizing, and it will lead to additional sin on our part. It is altogether contrary to the Word of God. It is never the mind of Christ.
And so the moment you detect bitterness in your mind, cry out to God for mercy, "Oh God, have mercy on me. I don't want to think this way. This is awful, what I am doing. How can I live this way?" The more you think bitterly, the more you are showing to this other person, because you will telegraph to him, that you are thinking this way. You can't avoid it. Our actions and what we say is going to ultimately be a reflection of what's going on in our minds. And then he will have won the victory. He will know that he's got you going. And so he will be encouraged that, after all, if you are able to think bitterly toward him, then there's all the more reason why he ought to lash out at you. And so it's a vicious circle, that just goes down, down, down.
But on the other hand, you cut it short. Now you can't have any self-pity. Self-pity is very sinful. And so you feel very justified in feeling bitter. But remember, when Jesus was lashed out at, remember now, He did not any sin. There was absolutely no basis for anyone to be bitter toward Him. And yet He never reviled in return. And He's our example. And you haven't been dealt with one iota as badly as Jesus was dealt with.
And so when you feel this bitterness in your soul, begin to pray, "Oh Lord, stop this in my life, Give me a hatred for this kind of a life." And you repent, by beginning to think nice thoughts about this person. And there's something nice you can think about him. He's not all bad, totally bad. And you concentrate on those nice things. And then five minutes later, you're going to start thinking bitter thoughts again, and again you pray, "Oh Lord, have mercy on me. I don't want to think this way." Start thinking nice thoughts. And then ten minutes later, the bitterness will return, "Oh Lord, have mercy on me. I don't want to think this way." And give yourself no quarter. Give yourself no rest on this. I've got to stop this bitter thinking.
And in your prayer, make this a heavy part of your prayer life, "Oh Lord, I have this thing of bitterness in my life, and oh Lord, I don't want it anymore. Take it out of my life, and help me to repent, and help me to have the mind of Christ, so that I'll think like Philippians 4:8." That is the victory of the cross in your life, you see.
CALLER: Yes, I do see now. Thank you so much.
HC: Well, I hope this helps a little bit. Thank you for calling.