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Transcript 574E — Courtship: A Biblical Perspective
HC: Good evening. Welcome to Open Forum.
CALLER: What do you think the Bible indicates about the relationship a guy and a girl should while dating?
HC: What does the Bible say about the relationship of a guy and a girl while dating?
The Bible is very clear, I believe. In I Corinthians 7:1 it says, hold your hat now, this is going to be a shocker, but God says, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." In other words, the time of dating is a premarital relationship, a time when a man and a woman or a boy and a girl become acquainted with each other. And the sexual relationship, or anything relating to the sexual relationship, is for the marriage relationship. It is not to be of interest before marriage.
Now because God has put within men and women the fires of passion, which are stimulated by touching and caressing, and anyone who has ever touched someone of the opposite sex with an attitude of love, or has caressed someone of the opposite sex, knows this of course, we're all human beings. This is what stirs the fires of passion. And so therefore God set up a protective railing, a guard, around the two people who are becoming acquainted with each other, by laying down the rule, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman."
Now of course this seems absolutely ridiculous to us in our society, because in our society we have gone so far from the Bible that we think that on the first date there ought to be a "good-night" kiss, and certainly by the second date there ought to be holding of hands, and the third date the caressing is a little more. And frankly, to a high degree there are those who are troubled then by early pregnancies, or there are attempts to avoid it by taking birth control pills, and so on.
And all of this sin develops because we are violating the fundamental rules that God has laid down. Now if a man and a woman will obey this rule, then they are setting up a program for themselves that is most advantageous for them. They will not mix up their time together by getting involved with their bodies, but they can keep their minds on knowing each other intellectually, spiritually they can talk about the things of the Lord, they can talk about their hobbies and their aspirations and desires and motivations. In other words, they can really become acquainted with each other.
And then if they should begin to fall in love and they find that both of them indeed are born again believers, because the Bible says, "Don't be unequally yoked with an unbeliever," if they find that they're not both born again believers, the one who is a born again believer is going to say, "I'm sorry. I can't date you any longer," and there isn't the physical side that makes her or her hesitate from breaking this off. The born again believer doesn't want to violate God's rule. And so the relationship is broken.
Or if indeed they find that both of them are saved, and they find they have a tremendous interest in each other, and this develops into a love relationship, then if they begin to find that after all of this they're becoming increasingly interested with sexual desire in their minds, then let them marry. Then let them marry. And then the sexual relationship, which begins with touching and caressing and all this, is the frosting on the cake insofar as the marriage relationship is concerned.
This is the Biblical path that God calls for. Now I don't expect a lot of people to obey this, because it is so contrary to our society, to the way we have been trained. And in fact, there are those who severely criticize any kind of a suggestion like this. But this is what the Bible lays down.
CALLER: Okay. Do you think then if you want to go out with somebody, and you know it's not a real marriage prospect, do you think that you can just date for the fun of it, even knowing that you may not marry or have any chance of marrying that person?
HC: The question is, can't I just date for fun? And if that is the case and after all, I'm only so old. I'm five years too young to marry, or three years too young to marry, and certainly I have no intentions of marrying, or anything like that; can't I just date for fun and not really worry about whether the one I'm dating is saved or not saved?
Again the Bible comes through very clearly: No! We have the account of Genesis 6:1: "The sons of God (that is the born again believers) looked at the daughters of men (that is, the unbelievers) and saw they were exceedingly fair." And they began to marry them. You see, if you start dating, if you're a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and you start dating those who are unsaved, just for fun, the thing you don't realize is, at some point in this dating you might fall in love. Our hearts are designed that way. We deceive ourselves. We rationalize. We really begin to want something. And we have enough sin in our life, even though we're saved, so that we might cater to that. And we're walking into temptation. We're walking as close to the world as we can. And you never know when it's too late. We should not be looking at the world, in other words. We should not be looking at unsaved people, to have any kind of romantic relationship with them of any kind.
When you start dating, date those who are believers. And then you're always at peace with yourself and at peace with God. You have someone that you're going to have a lot more fun with, because you're on the same wavelength spiritually. You're going to want to go to the same places. You're going to want to talk about the same things.
If you're dating someone who is unsaved, and she wants to go to a movie, and you say, "No, I don't think as a Christian I ought to go to a movie," she's going to think, "Well, what's wrong with you?" She may want to go to a dance, and you say, "No, we shouldn't go to a dance, because I'm a child of God." And she'll say, "Well, what's with you?" You can't even find any common ground of interest, or very little common ground of interest.
And as soon as you start talking about your church and about something you read in the Bible, she'll say, "Oh, that's interesting." And she'll change the subject and want to go on to something else. Where's the fun going to be then, you see, unless you just make yourself like the world and cater to her. But then what's happening? Then all you're doing is playing into Satan's hands, and you're becoming sin in order to have your fun. And that of course is rebellion against God.
CALLER: Okay. Thank you very much
HC: Thank you for calling.