Home Topics Index Download
Transcript 596A — Some Cautions Concerning Singles Groups
HC: Good evening. Welcome to Open Forum.
CALLER: I wonder if you might speak to the singles' situation as it becomes more and more prevalent in our time of divorce, and so on. It seems to me a very important ministry within a church, because there are many who were never married, divorced people, widowed people, but more and more and more divorced in a church. And people, most particular divorced, have hurts of all kinds, and they need the fellowship, and so on, of the church people.
But I also find in singles groups (and I am one of these people) that I see more singles groups involving separated people. Their marriage is not over as far as the legal status is concerned. Would you speak to that?
HC: Yes. You've really put your finger on a very very insistent problem that is developing within the church, namely, the whole matter of singles. Now the reason it's a problem is that the church (and I'm speaking very broadly of the church, because this varies to some degree among the various denominations and congregations) as a whole is rewriting the rules of the Bible, to permit divorce under certain circumstances and remarriage under certain circumstances, altogether contrary to what the Bible teaches.
And because they are rewriting the rules to allow all of this, there is a multiplication of divorce and the attendant problems that go with it. Now if a church is very faithfully and very definitely teaching that divorce under no circumstance is in agreement with the Word of God, number one . . . Number two, that once there is a divorce, as long as the other partner is living that there is never to be marriage with another person but that every attempt ought to be made to reconcile with the first partner as long as that first partner has not remarried, then yes, indeed, to have singles groups, where you can comfort each other and encourage each other in the ways of the Lord and try to find helpful activities as singles, and so on, is all fine.
But unfortunately, to a high degree, singles groups are being developed so that those who are divorced or who are still married but in the process of being divorced can begin to find other partners, that eventually they might marry. And that I believe is an activity in the church that is utterly contrary to the Word of God. That is the tough thing that we're facing today within the church.
Now the Bible lays down these rules not to hurt us, not to isolate us, not to put us in a box where we can't move. But God has laid down the rule concerning divorce and remarriage because God wants the very best for mankind. But when we begin to develop a society where divorce and remarriage is countenanced, then the very basic building block of society has been destroyed, and your whole society is going to fall apart. And we see this to a high degree in our world today, as we look at the broken homes and the sexual promiscuity and all the other ugly things that have arisen out of this kind of thinking. That is the awfulness of this.
Now if a church has a lot of singles, then let those who lead these singles really speak positively and definitely about what the Bible says, that there cannot be remarriage. And if you are divorced and your partner is still single, they should encourage reconciliation, and make every effort to try to achieve that kind of reconciliation. And if it is really taught that no one is to be encouraging anyone else toward a divorce, then I can see that a singles group could be very very helpful, and a real asset to a congregation. But I'm afraid that not too many of them are approached from quite that vantage point.
CALLER: In fact, there are so many. I was brought up in a church which said you are not to be divorced. You are to make every attempt to make this marriage work. And after a long, long marriage it didn't work. And even to this day I am praying for a reconciliation. However, it's over and done with, as far as the courts are concerned. But when the church is saying you must go on and live, that certainly there will be some nice Christian person who will come along, and your life will be fulfilled, I can't seem to answer to this. I can't see how this could be right.
HC: Well, it is not Biblical at all. And it's sad that the church teaches this. I'm afraid it's being taught simply because those who rule in the church are not reading the Bible carefully enough. And long ago, I have seen this in denominations through the last several decades. Step by step the rules are changed, to accommodate to the lusts of mankind, that it's a desirable thing to have divorces in certain situations, and so on, and remarriages in certain situations.
It started out where this was felt just a little bit among some of the less involved members of the congregation. And then it came a little more deeply in the congregation. Now we're at a point where we hear of deacons and elders who divorce, and we hear of pastors who divorce and remarry. And it just is a commentary on the terribly sad spiritual condition of the church today. We have departed so far from the truth.
CALLER: Would there be passages in the Bible that you could outline, or do you have a paper on it, or any tapes? I am already divorced, and my husband is living with someone who is supposed to be a Christian, but they're happy and so that makes it all right. I'd like to be able to help other people before it's as late as it is for me.
HC: Yes. I don't have any papers to offer. When I went through the I Corinthians study, we got into I Corinthians 7 and there were a number of messages that really related to this question. And if you would like cassettes of I Corinthians 7, you can write in to Family Radio and ask for them, and they will be sent to you. This might be helpful.
CALLER: I Corinthians 7.
HC: Yes, because that whole chapter really deals with the matter of the marriage relationship.
CALLER: I actually became a Christian through seeking advice regarding divorce or settlement, and so on. So it's hard for me to relate to the fact that it isn't right, but I know it isn't right
HC: The Bible is very clear. In Matthew 19 Jesus said, "What God has joined together let not man put asunder." And in verse 9 He says, "Whoever marries a divorced person commits adultery." And in Romans 7:2 and 3 God indicates that as long as a woman's husband is living, and she marries someone else, then she is an adulteress.
The biblical language is very specific and very clear. The problem is that we're living in a day when man does not want to obey the Bible. He wants to have his own way. He wants to do what he wants to do. And so many study committees have been formed by church leaders, and they have figured out ways to get around the specific language of the Bible and come up with edicts that sound like they're biblical, but really they are not biblical at all.
And they've come to the point where they say, yes, for adultery you can be divorced. Others say, for desertion you can be divorced. And then the next conclusion is that if you've been divorced for these reasons, then you can be married again. And yet all of this is flatly contrary to the Bible.
CALLER: I'm not as concerned about what you just said as when there is a separation or a problem in the marriage, when ministers or religious advisers say, "Well, he's treating you this way, so you don't have to live like that. And you'd better seek legal advice." And all of a sudden you realize that you're going completely opposite from what you really ought to be doing.
HC: You see, the reason that counselors today and pastors today give that kind of advice is that they have already accepted the idea that a divorce is biblical and that you can remarry under certain conditions, and that that is biblical. And so then any situation that seems difficult for a wife or for a husband, they say, "There are better things that you ought to be having." And they begin to encourage separation, which again is flatly contrary to the Bible.
In I Peter 3, God talks about a wife married to an unsaved husband, a husband who might deal very sorely and very badly with that wife. And yet she is to be submissive to him, and through this submission and through the fragrance of Christ as it's shown in her life, perhaps the Lord will provide salvation for this husband. That's the rule that God lays down.
But these things are forgotten, because we live today by our emotions and by our want-to's: "I want to do this," "I want to do that." And if we possibly can find a book somewhere or a pastor somewhere who will agree with our want-to's, then we feel we have biblical sanction for what we're doing And this is very sad.
CALLER: Now once a person is in that position, and they look back and see the wrong of what they have done, what do you suggest?
HC: Well, the wonderful thing about sin is that, or let's put it the other way. The wonderful thing about salvation is that regardless of how sinful we have lived, regardless of all the terrible things we have done, we can have total forgiveness through the Lord Jesus Christ.