- GREEN WEEK XII -
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*** "TO BEER" FINISHES 2ND ***

Event
Place
Points
Trike Races
3rd
1
Irongut
2nd
2
Rogaining
3rd
1
Billy Cart Design
2nd
2
Billy Car Race
2nd
2
Boat Races
3rd
1
Fourlegless
2nd
2
TOTAL  
11

The following account of Green Week has been compiled from the combined memories of all To Beer members, which totals not much at all. If anything is wrong, exaggerated or just excluded, it is because of beerintoxinalproblemus, and you can get fucked.

PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK
Sick of waiting for that big corner table in the bar? "To Beer" members successfully pulled off the 'Hostile Takeover Manouver' on several occasions throughout the week, with great success.

Step 1: Purchase shitloads of beer

Step 2: Select table

Step 3: (optional) Find aquaintance on selected table that you've had drunken mutterings with once or twice

Step 4: Sit down, and invite all other "To Beer" members to join you

Step 5: Piss off all other people on the table, including your friend, until they bugger off. Violence may be called for.

Step 6: Drink shitloads of beer

SHITHOUSE PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK
Our pool comp team (well one half of it). Justin was nominated by Muzz as our best pool player. But after a hard day at the office (bar), his perfomance was a little hampered. OK it was just shithouse. Belts were loosened, as a dash around the table seemed likely, but some arsey shot saw one of our balls go in before being beaten by about 6 balls. However, the loss was quickly forgotten as we went in search of more piss.

GREEN WEEK SPECIAL MENTIONS

  • Bar Day of the Year (so far): Monday. After a hearty champagne breakfast, the bar was hammering at 11:02am. Shitloads of people, music pumping, $2 Draughts and Katie table dancing, what more could you ask for?
  • Cellar Nite - Not much of this event can really be remembered, firstly we were building the ToBeerMobile Mk I (those paint fumes kicked the night off), then watching Justin play shithouse pool, then watching crappy acts, before carrying Hamish home and collapsing in a drunken stupour. After this some of us even ended up at Caseys nightclub at which I dunno what the fuck happened.
  • Dodgy Phill. Now here's a man with To Beer spirit. The man's broken every second bone in his body, but still ended up down at Dooley's on Monday nite, and returned again to piss on at the bar on Wednesday.
  • Tom was not content with skulling his 750ml bottle of straight green cordial, so assisted another to finish their 2L bottle. About half an hour later Tom was not seen again.
  • That guy who reconsumed a whole jug of someone else's spew. I forget where it was but it was a killer effort, especially as half of it was this gooey foam shit.
  • Phill (Van Basten). I think we should all try to be like him.
  • Banner decided to go see IB. But as soon as he got in there, he didn't see shit. After a nice sleep, he decided to sway around and fall on everyone, before leaving forgetting his bag, and then aimlessly walking around uni for about 2 hours looking for it.
  • Katie got her gear off 3 times in the one nite, and was sober. Whilst To Beer does not encourage this second aspect, this makes the first even more worthy of recognition. Katie is now leading the stakes for 2nd Semester Miss Nude, but there is a long way to go yet.
  • To Beer's first anniversary was on Wednesday of Green Week, but most people were too pissed to really care, and didn't need another reason to celebrate.
  • The To Beer Green Week book. It had all the details of who'd paid what and who was in what, and it was lost somewhere on Monday night in a drunken stupor. Anyone who knows of its whereabouts should call 1800-TO-BEER.

THE "WHERE'S THAT FRICKEN LOOKOUT" INCIDENT
Shaz and Amber drove around for about 3 hours in the hills looking for a place to shag. It is not confirmed, where, when or whether a place was found, and to tell the truth nobody gives a toss.

WORD OF THE WEEK - "PASSION"
Much passion was shown by To Beer members is varying events, except for the Tug of War team who had none and got shat all over. Shaz and Amber were also seen pashin in the back of the car somewhere up in the hills.

CHANT OF THE WEEK
To Beer's retaliation to Farrer & others - "We've got better chicks than you"

POEM OF THE WEEK
"Beer, beer, its good for you trunk,
The more you drink, the more you get drunk.
The more you get drunk, the better you feel,
So lets drink beer for every meal."

TOSSER OF THE WEEK
That DJ at Cellar nite for not having 500 miles. How can you seriously run a karaoke business without 500 miles to please all the pissheads.


A BRIEF SUMMARY OF ALL EVENTS

TRIKE RACES - Muzz put in a killer effort in the first heat, but was just beaten by Aaron, the eventual winner. Why we got third place overall, but didn't make it into the final just shows how screwed some of this organising is. Third.

MASTERMINDLESSNESSNESS - This was a crazy, crazy and very pissed nite. Our two tables consisted of a 'smart' table who were actually trying to win, and a 'dumbass' table who were just there to piss on and make noise. The dumbass table was deserted by about 8 o'clock, as the members got lost in various different places. The smart table took to the piss and by half way through realised the we had shit all chance so just bagged the crap out of Farrer.

VB HUNT - Yeah, well we had people running like headless chickens all over campus and we found sweet FA.

IRONGUT - After a contract was written up, Sam agreed to do this event (those 2 bottles of 'something better' are still coming… I think..). Sam put in one hell of an effort and managed to finally eat all that shit in about 9 minutes, and was only beaten by one other skanky bitch. Second

ROGAINING - After much psychological counselling (drink…run…drink…run…), Tom bolted around the course, but missed out on the final to Papa Smurf and some shithouse bloke who was crap in the final. Third.

POOL COMP - Need I say more. Shit.

TALENTLESS DANCE CHALLENGE - Yeah well maybe if the DJ had a decent fucking selection of music.

TUG OF WAR - We made it passed a heat or two, but as Paula Jones once said when asked about the similarities between her relationship with Bill, and of Bill & Monica's, "close, but no cigar". Fourth.

BILLY CART - We had our pizzaderessistance that we had made the night before go missing, but was luckily found. Our pit crew was fully equipped to help the slightly disabled driver, and we had our own version of the Finlandia Vodka chicks. After a blitzing heat time, the final was against us and two others. That big fuck from Barbie rammed us into the bin, but we managed to scream around on 3 wheels, regain our dignity (hang on, what fucking dignity…) and come 2nd, and then went on to beat some little motorbike by about a lap. Second(race) + Second(design). The ToBeerMobile Mk II will return next year, bigger, better and with more tinnies.

CENTURION - Tom looked good but slipped off the rails early, before regaining his To Beer traction. (what the fuck??). Anyway, he made it to just past 80 before fucking up. Good effort anyway.

IB - Activities cocked something up (again), so we didn't get a runner.

BOAT RACES - Our team had plenty of potential, but was a little shithouse in the heat. This meant that we came up against those tossers from Farrer in the semi-final. After a killer run which was about 6 seconds faster, we just got beaten by the tossers, who eventually won. Third.

FOURLEGLESSNESSNESS - This was a madcap dash, with Muzz running as a support vehicle the whole way. Luckily no replacement legs were needed and we somehow arsed our way into second spot.

WELL DONE ALL IN TO BEER FOR A FUCKING FANTASTIC SHOWING IN GREEN WEEK, IN BOTH COMPETING AND SUPPORTING. THE RESULT WAS BEYOND OUR WILDEST EXPECTATIONS, AND PROVES THAT WITH A LITTLE ORGANISATION, A BUNCH OF PISSPOTS SUCH AS OURSELVES CAN BE A FORCE TO RECKON WITH IN GREEN WEEK. NOW THAT WE ARE EXPERIENCED, WE WILL RETURN NEXT YEAR, WITH ONLY ONE OBJECTIVE. NO, NOT TO WIN. TO BEAT THOSE TOSSERS IN FARRER. - JONESEEEEEY


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