Living with a chronic illness is certainly very difficult, but having faith and being ill or in pain, is another matter. I have torn myself apart for 2 years to find some sort of understanding of where I am in God's plan.

I finally have come to a place of Peace, praise god for not giving in, on me! My church did not help in any way at all, they only made matters worse. However, God heard me, and sent me a Christian doctor, and Rest Ministries. The daily devotional, has been an anchor in the storm, well the anchor that kept me connected to God, when I seemed so far away.

I told someone at church that I had come to a place of acceptance, and was told that it was satanic to think like that accepting your illness. I have had many bad experiences like that.there a few nice people there, but not many.

I don't believe that my illness came from God; I believe it is from satan. I am in the world, and the world is full of sickness and accidents. Why me? Why not me?

I could not understand how I fitted in to God 's plan, at church, Well neither could the minister who seemed to think if I just got involved I would snap out of this sickness.

I believe that God can use my illness to have victory over satan. And he has! Praise Him! I have grown in faith; I have been used by God to help others in amazing ways.

I have gone places where I would never have tread before, I am more forgiving, more compassionate, I have to rely on God for every minute of my day.

My life is not perfect, but God has the people who get under my skin in his hand also.It is easier to be from the old school, where you believed that God only healed a few people, but I have believed that God healed all, except in his hometown. I have seen people healed, I have been healed, and I have experienced miracles in my own life, I know that God is real. I believe God heals today still.The question is will he heal me? In some ways he has, and is. I know if I am not healed in this life I will be in the next.

I know he hears my prayers, I know he is with me, he even answers small prayers, he lets me know he is there. He brings me comfort, and forgives me when I doubt, and shout at him.

He loves me, knows me, understands my needs, he holds me up. He keeps me honest. I often think I should fake how I am feeling, to keep people happy. But he will not let me. My church will learn how to treat people with chronic illness; the people around me will understand CFS! No matter how long it takes. I am a part of a plan. God's plan. HE did not put me here, but he is using me where I am at, to solve the problem.

He cares about all his people, he mourns with us in sickness and death.He cleanses my sin; even in sickness he will not let my sin be. I have been too sick to pray; yet he has sent messages to me, even via my 12-year-old child. Lord, I ask that you take my sickness away, so that I may serve you, but if not, may my soul take comfort in thee, all the days of my life.

Rhonda Beech