Enter Slartibartfast and Trillian
Slartibartfast Trillian
Trillian Here, Slartibartfast. What's up dear?
Slartibartfast Trillian, speak to Eddy. Quickly (impatient) or we'll hit a star, pronto pronto.
Eddy You rang.
Trillian Hey Eddy; be happy be good for once; Prepare the ship! Do what Slartibartfast (oh what a Hunk! ) says. He knows best. Take us through this asteroid belt quickly, and mind the...ah...black hole on the left there.
Enter Arthur, Ford and Marvin
Arthur Ah! Trillian I see you're working. Where's Slarti?
Trillian Go away, get back to your room.
Arthur Where is he, the old town planner? (Aside) Very clever with town planning he is. See he doesn't start with the buildings, he actually starts with the dirt. He says it gives you that individual flair.
Trillian Can't you see we are trying to save the ship. Go back to your space. If you don't go we will never get through this asteroid belt and we'll hit that black hole on the left. What care these asteroids have for the great President Beeblebrox? To your space. Silence, we're working.
Ford Great but just remember it's the President we have aboard.
Trillian There is no other that I love more than myself. If you are able by some art to command these asteroids to their own quarters and make them give up and insult some other weirdly craft. No...I thought not, so look happy and just sod off.
ArthurI have great faith in thee Slartibartfast. He has never crashed, he knows the ropes, he'll pull us through. A bit like Qantas when you think about it.
Trillian Steer it gently Eddy steer her, bring her back to main course. Eddy be careful they are monstrous asteroids, careful, steer her right...no left...now left...left a bit more...too much...back right...
Eddy Would you stop it I know my job, I don't need some one to tell me what to do. Hey guys don't you realise I'm Eddy your friendly shipboard computer here to help YOU and make our journey as comfortable as possible.
Trillian Shut-up, Eddy what was that a bump, a scrape, perhaps the BLACK HOLE.
Arthur Stop it you...you dog. I curse you!
Trillian If you think yourself so clever then why don't you help. Do some work. All the trip you sit in your space playing with that silly thing in your ear.
Arthur It's not silly it's a Babble fish I might tell you and a very good one at that...bred on the shores of - well I don't know, some bloody good place far off in that part of the galaxy where they wear there skin inside out. I think your a wimp and are scared, Squirede cat sitting on a lion's mat. I indeed do think we will get sucked into the black hole and we will all die.
Trillian Be quiet! Eddy.
Eddy Hello there, you rang. Is there anybody there who wants some Tea? I have just put the kettle on.
Trillian What are you making tea for at a time like this? Can't you see, or haven't you been steering. We are going towards the BLACK HOLE. Eddy now pay attention. Do a uey and get us out of here.
Eddy No use darlings, there is no way out of this. Nice knowing you guys but I'd like to say guys now would be a good time for you all to gather around in a circle and say a few mantras or discuss what you think happens after you die.
Trillian A breeze I feel, my body its warping, softening and bending unusual directions. Arthur stop acting like a penguin. My foot has drifted into the back of the console...where's my left arm...Hey Zaphod that's not fair.
Arthur I see Zaphod you just go and don your peril sensitive glasses and not do anything.
Zaphod Hey look monkey it's OK by me if you wish to splay yourself all over this cool cabin and turn yourself into funny shapes but just don't do it while I'm watching. Look can't you see I'm in the middle of a crisis, what with my arm flying off with that towel over there...
Eddy Hello guys I hope you are enjoying the trip. We have entered the black hole and what a pretty sight it is outside, there goes Dame Edna, such pretty colours. Everything out there.
Arthur Look at us this is getting ridiculous...my arm.
Zaphod Guys this is great fun but it seems to have the sort of effect on my head as a Pan Galactic Gargleblaster. Ouch!
Ford Mercy on us dear God save us. Goodbye life, goodbye Arthur, Goodbye Zaphod, goodbye all, goodbye. I'll take the shuttle craft and see you guys on the other side a bit latter, ie Heaven. Ciao.
Eddy I should like to inform you all at this moment in time that I am not equipped with any shuttle craft but I have booked some to be placed on board when we next dock into a service station.
Arthur I'm staying to protect the president.
Uey: a U turn in mod galactic speech
Death: There are a number of concepts of this floating around the universe. Death in Glasco is considered to be a great let down, while the great philosophers of Frehso think that death is a waste of time and not worth the wait of a lifetime for. It has been recently sighted in a recent issue of The Frehso Times that the great philosophers recently put themselves in for cryogenics. Concepts of what happens to you after you have died have never been fully pursued as nobody has ever gone past the pearly gates and come back and told everyone what it was like except for one man who said it was like heaven but what is heaven.
Ford and God: You may query here the mention by Ford Prefect of God. It is a little known fact that all employers of book publishers on the planet Ursa Minor must have among their credentials the word God.